They say everyone has a story..this is mine..

We Have Moved!

2010-12-01T09:47:00.000-08:00

Please head over to my new Site over DoreenMcGettigan.com!

My first guest blogger and you will adore her!

2010-11-29T11:59:00.000-08:00

Rebecca Rasmussen is the author of the novel The Bird Sisters, forthcoming from Crown Publishers on April 12^th, 2011. She lives with her husband and daughter in St. Louis and teaches writing at Fontbonne University. Visit her at http://www.thebirdsisters.com

Leaning Roses & Giving Thanks

By Rebecca Rasmussen

“Visualize yourself as a tree,” Dr. Gilman used to tell me. “Your grand old roots are reaching toward the center of the earth. They’re strong, and so are you.”

“But my branches are blowing in the wind,” I used to say back.

I would be sitting on Dr. Gilman’s couch, trying not to hear the wind chimes beyond her office window, a soothing sound to many people, but a chaotic sound to me. She would be leaning forward in her chair, trying to pull me back from the edge of panic, which she recognized in my glazed-over eyes, in my inability to do what she was asking of me. “That’s perfectly fine. You’re rooted. Let go. You’ll see.”

Was I?

I don’t often tell people about the first twenty-five years of my life that I spent trying to cope with anxiety attacks, first as a child by doing things like going to bed at six o’clock in the evening or putting my hands over my ears to block out the noise of the stereo or later staying home because I was afraid to go wherever my friends were going, afraid they’d see what I was so desperately trying to hide because it wasn’t normal and because I knew nobody could help me.

That, I have learned, is the fundamental trouble with fear. It keeps you roped off from everybody else who wants to understand, who wants to help you.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” my mother often asks.

The adult me knows that my mother would have tried to help me and the child me knew that, too, but I didn’t believe a life without these attacks was possible. I simply didn’t believe in anything but fear.

For years, I resolved myself to the fact that I would have to live my life a little bit differently than everyone else. I’d never hang wind chimes from my porch. I’d never swing at a playground. I’d never arrive at a track meet and not wonder if the bleachers rattling would frighten me. I’d never…I’d never.

In my experience, once you batten down the hatches against fear, you are stuck with it.

It wasn’t until I was pregnant with my daughter Ava, when my anxiety attacks grew fiercer than they ever had before, that I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Gilman, a lovely psychologist in Northampton, Massachusetts, because I felt I owed it to my unborn daughter. The first thing Dr. Gilman asked me that day was, “What’s so bad about fear?”

And I thought: I’m obviously in the wrong place. But I stayed anyway.

Over the course of my pregnancy, Dr. Gilman worked with me twice a week. She taught me how to breathe deeply, how to remain in the present moment, how to be kinder to myself, gentler. She also taught me to start sharing my panic, which I wasn’t eager to do. She was right though.

One day, I tried it out on my husband.

“I’m scared,” I said, and he turned off the music or whatever I believed was triggering my panic, came over to me, and did this magical head rub thing to bring me back from wherever I was heading…

“Stay here with me,” he said. “You’re safe here, honey.”

You’re safe.

Fast-forward four years.

My daughter is a lively little love bug, who goes to pre-school three days a week. My husband is in graduate school. And I have a novel coming out in April. It’s Thanksgiving. Pies are in the oven. Roasts are roasting.

This fall has been tough. We lost my Aunt Donna to cancer. Uncle John, too. One of my cousins, a thirty-two year old mother of two wonderful kids, is in the middle of chemotherapy treatments for stage-IV ovarian cancer. People are leaving us in what feels a little like a mass exodus this holiday season, and sometimes I feel that old fear bubbling up again—It’s so unfair. It’s too much. What would I do if it were me? What would Ava do without her mother? What would I do without my mother?—but I’m more connected to the moment now instead of being boarded up against it, which means the fear is free to come but it’s also free to go.

Aunt Donna had a hard life. She had a disease that took her leg when she was a girl. She survived cancer several times and this last time didn’t. She loved roses.

After her death, something a little bit miraculous happened.

In the bed of tiger lilies just beyond the front door of our apartment, a beautiful red rose bud appeared on the otherwise bare rogue rose bush that has grown up instead of outward. It’s late November in St. Louis. We’ve had a frost already. We’ve worn our coats. And this little flower just keeps leaning toward our front door, its stem over six feet tall, opening itself up more and more each day. We’re all marveling at it—our neighbors, my husband, my daughter, me.

So each time I come and go I stop to smell the rose even though I didn’t think I believed in literal signs. I didn’t used to believe in a lot of things.

That’s what I am thankful for this Thanksgiving. Belief in something other than fear. Belief in safety. Grace. Hope.

Dr. Gilman would be proud of me, I think. She’s one of those old-growth people you keep in your heart forever.

Am I still afraid? Yes. But I’m not so afraid of being afraid anymore.

My first Guest Post!

2010-11-27T17:28:00.000-08:00

Thank you Rebecca for the opportunity to guest post on your blog. To check out the post and to learn a bit about Rebecca (you will love her) go here: thebirdsisters.blogspot.com

Happy Black Friday Fragments....

2010-11-25T20:58:00.000-08:00

Tough working here :(

Just a mess..

Happy Friday Fragments were we can dump all the little bits floating around in our minds..the brainchild of Mrs. 4444 you can find her and join in on all the dumping here:www.halfpastkissintime.com

I also like to join in over at the lovely Java's and her over 40 follow..you can join her here:nevergrowingold.blogspot.com

So FIOS is coming today!! I am excited!! This will be a very busy and crazy weekend..I work today, then pick up Morgan Layla and Avery Paige..I have Beta Reading to do..content writing for my brand new Author web site! And I am having author photo's done (what do you think the difference is between a photo and an author photo)?
My dad is very sick and will be having very scary surgery next week in Florida...I may go down... My favorite quote this week...."If you did not want me to write about it on my blog or in my book then you should not have said or done it" me...

Yuk!

My new office is almost done!


Mom-Mom and Peyton Elizabeth

Allyson; Julia and Morgan

Julia; Jillian and Avery Paige

Thanksgiving dinner

Our Chef and host..Big Dom

Miss Adriana (Hungry)

So sad no video games today..

Julia and brother Trey

Before Dinner

Avery Paige waiting for snow..

Morgan Layla and Daddy Kevin

Peyton Elizabeth and Adriana in the car seat together :)


Dancing to 'Kid Rock'

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

More from "Bristol Stomp"....the sentencing

2010-11-23T16:46:00.000-08:00

Driving to the courthouse that day was surreal. I could not believe it was March 17, 2000. It was Saint Patrick’s Day. Hopefully that meant the day would be lucky. I guess that is not the right thought. What I wanted had nothing to do with luck and everything to do with justice.

David died in April. It was nearly a year. I had trouble comprehending it had almost been a year. Little Michael will be turning two at the end of this month. I thought about Michael’s first birthday. That was the last time our entire family was together, happy. I remembered Dave’s smile that day as he proudly held his son. The tears started.

I had to pull over. I had to pull myself together. I wanted to do an effective job reading my impact statement. The prosecutor told us this was our day in court. We did not have to cry quietly. We were not going to be told where we could look and where we couldn’t. Our day in court, yes this was important. I had to get myself together.

I pulled down my visor mirror and did my best to repair my running makeup. Shortly I would witness once again the two scumbags being led off to prison in shackles. This time they would be going off to prison for at least twenty five years. That thought gave me peace. Not happiness, just peace. And of course there was satisfaction in the sight. I could not help that feeling. The thought of the two of them being thrown into little cells with little windows, alone, God forgive me but that was satisfying. I felt better, stronger so I pulled back onto the road.

As I saw the huge round building, I thought about how out of place it looked in this old town. It was too modern. I wondered who designed the ugly building. Maybe ugly isn’t fair, it didn’t fit the landscape of historic Doylestown. Supposedly the courthouse was built here because Doylestown was the center of Bucks County. I wondered what it looked like from the air. It probably looked like a big round ugly dot right there in the center of Bucks County.

I loved the quaint little town. The shops, the old Victorian homes, galleries, the restaurants and of course the bars and churches that reminded me of Bristol. The people that lived in this town, a lot of them were stuck up. They thought their town was so much better than Bristol. They thought they were better, people. But, they did not have the Delaware River and I doubted this town could even come close to the real small town feel of Bristol.

I parked, and started my long walk around the ugly round building. It was windy and as usual I was freezing. I wished bad karma on the idiot that closed the doors closest to the parking lot and the cheap morons that did not install security at both entrances. Things would have moved so much quicker and smoother. The security lines were always too long.

If I was in charge- what a thought that was. There would of course be two entrances. I would also provide some kind of safe haven area for victims and their families. The way it is now, throwing everyone together like cattle was ridiculous. It was also very dangerous.

There was talk of tearing this courthouse down and building a new one. I hoped whoever designed the new building would be a little more compassionate towards victims.

Once again, there were many sheriffs in the hallway leading to the courtroom. I was surprised again by the large crowd. I scanned around looking for my family. I did not feel safe with so many people gathered in such a small area. I saw my friend Sam the policeman who was now a county sheriff. I would have to remember to wish him a happy Saint Pat’s Day. I knew it was one of his favorites. I missed seeing him in his patrol car in Bristol. He had been there for so long.

I had barely arrived when I was bombarded by my family with the news that Galione and Reeves also had the right to have people speak on their behalf. I was livid. We should have known. It would have changed the way we prepared. We would have had more letters written, we would have asked more friends and relatives to be here for us. I tried so hard not to cry. Damn, I did not want to have to fix my make-up again. I wanted to appear confident and in control.

I was truly shocked to see that Nicole Rivera, Jerry Reeves, girlfriend brought their baby to court. This poor baby had been born with no arms or legs. I felt they were using the baby for sympathy. From what I had heard Jerry had never been there for Nicole or the baby. I did feel sorry for Nicole and hoped she would have the common sense to move on with her life and find some happiness. I hoped her family would be there to support her. For Galione’s girlfriend, Janine, I wished misery for her. She washed David’s blood off Galione’s clothes and lied under oath. I knew she would not stick around and wait for her man. She was too selfish.

I was not prepared for the friends and family of the defendant’s to be given the opportunity to speak. It was sheer torture sitting there listening to how wonderful these two young men were. They were murderers. It was ridiculous. Galione presented the judge with seventy letters of support. Galione’s parents enlisted their friends to speak on their son’s behalf saying, “he has always been so polite”. I was going to be sick again. The judge even commented, as to how disturbing it was to that so many of the letters claimed Galione was innocent. The parade of aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters and teachers seemed to go on forever.

When it was finally my turn to speak I walked to the front of the courtroom and faced the judge. I got through my letter. Tears stung in my eyes but I fought them off. I did the best I could. When I finished, Mel Kardos asked permission to question me. That had not happened to anybody else all day. I looked at Matt and he shook his head yes. The judge granted the permission. I was shaking. He asked me where I worked. I was stunned. What was his point? I told the judge I was scared to say where I worked. I did not want any of them to know where I worked. I knew Kardos wanted me to say I worked at The Bucks County Courier Times. He was going to say I had something to do with the press coverage of this case. It was ridiculous, I was lucky if I got a pen in that building let alone the power to drive the news. I turned to Kardos, smiled sarcastically and answered I worked for a company called GPN. He was clearly, annoyed that he did not get the answer he wanted. It was the truth. GPN was Greater Philadelphia Newspapers, I did not lie. That was what was on my paychecks.

I nervously looked over at Laurie Mason, she is the writer for The Bucks County Courier Times, that covers all trials and court related events. She even has her own little office in the basement of the courthouse. I thought that was so cool. She smiled. I ran up to her as soon as it was over and asked her if I lied. She laughed, and said no. She said it was amazing that I came up with the perfect truthful answer.

I found out later from the prosecutor and the reporters that they had never, ever, heard someone questioned after giving an impact statement. It was another excuse to hate Mel Kardos. What an arrogant sob he was.

Judge Heckler gave a little speech. He said there had been many lulls in the fighting that night and he said Jimmy and Jerry should have stopped.

Jerry Reeves asked to speak. He stood up and said he was not responsible for David’s death. He said the real killer was still free. Yeah, I had to agree there were other killers still free, but he was responsible for David’s death. They all were. Peter Hall asked the judge to delay the sentencing so he could do more investigating. He was a moron, more investigating was not needed, more arrests were needed. Thank God the judge refused.

Bucks County Courthouse; Doylestown, Pa.

Friday Fragments....

2010-11-18T21:44:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday Everyone!

I am feeling almost normal again after my gall bladder removal..10 days today!

I have been on some serious drugs so if I have visited your blog or your face book page and sounded really stupid and couldn't spell; I apologize...it is embarrassing!

Thank you to our amazing host for Friday Fragments, Mrs. 4444 over at Half Past Kissin Time. You can find her here:www.halfpastkissintime.com

Also the gorgeous Java over at Never Growing Old, if you are an over 40 blogger you will find many friends here:nevergrowingold.blogspot.com

So it is starting to get down right chilly in the Philly burbs...I do not like the cold..however did any of you catch our Eagles um I guess beat down the Redskins?
Only in Philadelphia can we take a convicted dog killer and make him a star. We are all saying things like he did his time; he's changed; he deserves another chance...okay I'm buying into it..the guy is a damn good football player...bring on the Giants!!
And while we are on sports..congrats to our very own Doc Halladay!!!

My husband surprised me today by getting my new office painted while I was at work today..I love that man..he just gets me and he knows how badly I need this new creative space..I am only obligated to finish 2 more books in 2 months. No problem seriously they are just about done I just must love to pile pressure on myself! (hopefully by next week I will have before and after photo's :)

I have 3 prizes from my contest in my car; they are coming I swear...my gut hurts too bad to stand in line at the post office...maybe I should send my amazing husband. .to the post office...I will! Only 20 more to reach my goal..for every 10 new followers I will randomly pick a winner from all followers...just for following...Thank you; all of you xxxooo

I am about to bust with amazing book news and you all here on this blog will be the first to know; before anyone...I am a bit overwhelmed with so much happening at once...I need to just breathe..and realize..I did it..finally..almost!

I am making reservations to take Morgan who will be 8 and Julia who is turning 11 to American Girl for their birthdays...I am so excited!

I wish you all a blessed Thanksgiving- We will be spending the day with most of the kids and grand kids; I miss them so much :(

If you remember this past summer my step son Michael was in a terrible motorcycle crash. It was touch and go for a long time. If you are the praying type please send a few his way, he is not doing well and we are really worried...

I am so thankful for each and everyone of you. I can always count on reading just the right comment I need to hear at the right time. A big virtual hug for all of you (((HUGS)))!!

Brotherly Love..Lance and Louie

My favorite quote today: "When you ask for miracles, you get folks" Christopher Gallenberg

Just a quick update..

2010-11-15T14:04:00.000-08:00

My gall bladder has been removed!!
I was in the hospital for a full week (strange don't you think) I am now home and experiencing just a bit of discomfort. I hope to be feeling 100% in a week or so.
Thank you all for your kind comments and well wishes I really appreciate all of you!
I hope to be back to FF this week :)
Doreen

Friday Fragments....

2010-11-04T20:42:00.000-07:00

What is wrong with this picture?
$5,000.00- cat scan- polyps in gall bladder
$5345.00- MRI- polyps in gall bladder
$3200.00- ultrasound- swollen gall bladder with polyps

2 weeks ago- primary Doctor "gall bladder has to come out before it becomes an emergency" so he prescribes another test which took 2 weeks to get the appointment for and that is today at 8am.

2 nights ago the agony started and has not stopped. ER gives a drink of something disgusting to stop the pain and sends me home...

I WANT MY GALL BLADDER OUT NOW: please!!! (think good thoughts for me today).
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Sorry; I had to vent...but Friday Fragments is just that..the chance to vent all the fragmented pieces of your week. It is the brain child of the brilliant Mrs. 4444. You can find her and a lot of really nice friends here:www.halfpastkissintime.com
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I am also very humbled by the amazing new friends I have found at the lovely Java's, Blogger's Over 40 Friday Follow. You will be in good company here:nevergrowingold.blogspot.com
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On my quest to reach 300 followers I have been having a contest/giveaway. For every 10 new followers I will randomly pick a winner from all of my followers and send you a gift. For my 2 winners from last week..your gifts will be in the mail on Monday! To my followers Thank you!!
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I would like to share with you, my friend Rebecca. She is the author of the novel "The Bird Sister's" which is due out in April 2011. She is a sweetheart and I wish her all the best; besides the fact that her book sounds amazing! I cannot wait to read! You can meet her here:www.thebirdsisters.com
I would love to know what you think...
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My Hubby's niece the amazing, Kate Walton had
REALLY BIG NEWS This week. She has sold her YA novel. We are very excited for her. You can read all about her (she is brilliant and funny) here:http://skateorbate.blogspot.com
Again; I would love to know what you think...
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I am super nervous and super excited to have been invited to do several guest blog posts over the next few month's...more info to come...
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We had a great time on Halloween with a handful (okay) a bunch of our grand babies a niece and a nephew. Pop-Pop and I; after 2 blocks offered to take 'lil' monkey Peyton Elizabeth home. (It was freezing cold). She got her first 2 bottom teeth and laughed the whole time. I cannot believe she was 5 months old on November 1st. Here are a few photo's:

Big Sis Allyson and Adriana

Adriana, Mom-Mom, Morgan Layla and Dominic

Isn't she the cutest little monkey?

Mom-Mom, Peyton Elizabeth and big sis Morgan Layla

Adriana as Nemo with a boo-boo

My Princess Allyson and nephew Michael

lil Jimmy B and the back of his sister Julia's head (the witch)

Adriana, Morgan Layla, Avery Paige, Mom-Mom, Peyton Elizabeth and big Jim


Pop-Pop and Peyton Elizabeth (she had the biggest smile; I just was not fast enough)

I am overwhelmed with blessings. I adore my husband. I love my family.
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So; for the first time I put a photo of my handsome, talented, adored and taken away from us much too soon brother, David in a post from the book. I thought it would be nice for people to see who they were reading about. It was a step for me.
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Favorite Quote this week: "In back of every creation, supporting it like an arch is faith. Enthusiasm is nothing. It comes and goes, but if one believes, than miracles can occur"
Henry Miller
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I know a 'bad' question but how did the election go for you?

Anyone start Holiday shopping yet?

Have a powerful and positive week!
Doreen

From the book "Bristol Stomp"....I had a dream (nightmare about this lastnight)..

2010-11-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

It was hard for me to go to Bristol at that time. There was a makeshift memorial for David close to the spot where he was found. It was slightly comforting. I felt close to Dave in that spot. I honestly am now affected every time I see any such memorial. Crosses on the highway, flowers scattered by the side of the road, I always wonder who they were, who their families are and how are they doing. I wondered how many other people actually took the time to notice. I once heard a woman say she thought they were eyesores. I bit my tongue. I know the comfort they provide. I also got a sick pleasure out of the fact that the killers and their families had to see the memorial and be reminded every time they drove by. My brother-in-law Tony was very diligent with the upkeep of the memorial. He and my sister lived less than a block away. David loved to stop at the WaWa in Bristol for a cup of coffee and cigarettes. It always brought a smile to my face when I stopped by and saw a cup of coffee and a pack of Marlboro’s by the angel’s feet. I hoped people would always remember. I was so afraid people would forget.

I was really getting frustrated waiting for the other seven people to be charged. Months were going by. The police kept telling us to be patient. My patience was running out. They were out there, living their lives and probably never thought about David or what they had done to his family. I was obsessed with wanting to know every detail of what each of them had done. I did not want to imagine anymore I just wanted to know.

I realized I had not seen the car. I asked Randy what happened to the car and he said it was evidence and suggested I do not go to see it. I had to go. I was not prepared for what I saw. I wondered how much more my mind could take. I was trembling and could not stop. Every window was broken, there were dents everywhere and the car seat had been ripped out. The seat belt holding the car seat in place had actually been ripped. Who could do that to a baby seat? I heard through the Bristol Borough grapevine that it was Steve Owtscharuk. I did not know much about him. I know I wanted him charged with something. Any person that could watch; or beat a man to death knowing he was the father of a baby could not be anything but pure evil. I am not very proud of some of the thoughts I had about him. I saw him in WaWa one day and it was so hard not to scream at him. I wished that he would have a baby one day and that he would be in a horrible accident with his baby in the car seat that was so mangled and he could not rip the seat belt and save his baby. I could not believe I even thought of such a thing. Not that I felt guilty about wishing harm on Steve because I did. I did feel guilty about wishing harm on an imaginary baby. I convinced myself it was part of the grieving process. I was angry!

I could not shake the image of that car. Did they do all that damage while Dave was still in the car? Did they come back and do more damage after they left him in that driveway bleeding to death? Is that why Joe, Anthony and Dave decided to run from the car? Did they fear for their lives? I would have, had someone been pounding on my car with that much force and anger. I would have been terrified. Dave had been hit with his own level. The one he used for his mason work. He kept it in the trunk of his car. How did these killers get their hands on that level? I imagined maybe as these wild animals were pounding on the car David pushed the trunk button to keep them from breaking the back window.

Maybe Joe, Anthony and Dave were going to try to grab the tools and use them to get away. On the other hand, the bad people could have gotten the tools after Joe, Anthony and Dave ran away from the car.

Dave had glass fragments stuck in his face. I saw them that first night in the hospital. He had to have still been in the car while the windows were being smashed. I imagined when Dave got out of the car he was immediately hit over the head with something and was injured and confused. Was this why he never caught up to Joey and Anthony? Why was I driving myself crazy trying to figure this out? David was dead; did the horrific details really matter?

I really wanted to know what was going on with the investigation. I was not hearing much. I feared the police where busy preparing for the trial and not preparing to arrest Jimmy Williams, Mike Good and Steve Owtscharuk. I wondered if the two cars had been searched that night. Where was the other hammer? It could be anywhere. It could be at the house where the party was held that night. I felt it was most likely at the bottom of the Delaware River. I heard that through the Borough grapevine too. It was getting harder and harder to believe the good guys always win. David was one of the good guys. Without a doubt, he was a good guy. I was hanging onto my faith by a thread. Not that I questioned my belief in God, I was just having trouble believing he was going to make all this make sense. I had to believe the bad guys would pay. If I lost that thought for a moment I feared I would lose my mind.

Friday Fragments

2010-10-29T06:50:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday Everyone. Welcome to Friday Fragments where I can unload all the little pieces in my mind that cannot fill an entire post. The host of Friday Fragments is the super talented Mrs.4444 and you can find her and join in the fun here:www.halfpastkissintime.com
Because I am over 40; I also participate in the beautiful Java's Follow Friday. You can join in here:http://nevergrowingold.blogspot.com

Okay so this past week my computer crashed 3 times. I knock on something hope it is okay for a couple of weeks until I can get a new one. I still am working on locating all of my photo's.

I was a foster Mom to a little girl 11 years ago. We had her from the time she was 7 weeks until she was 7 1/2. At that time she went back to her Mother briefly then to her father in Minnesota (far from here). We were all devastated and missed her terribly. I found her or she found me on Facebook this week. (Enter 11 years of tears here). I am happy and cannot wait to see her.

Also this past week I found out I have to give up my gall bladder. The doc tells me they will just make a little hole and suck it out. Yeah right; I'm always the 1 in a 1000, but I am going to think positive here and hope for the best.

We will be Trick or Treating with all 11 grand kids on Sunday. I cannot wait to share all the photo's with you. I hope you all have a safe and happy Halloween.
Then comes November!

My contest is still running: for every 10 new followers I will randomly pick a winner from all followers. Good Luck to all and if you are the 2 winners from last week I will get your prizes out to you this week. Congrats.

My little dog Louie has a lump or a something on his neck; vet appointment next Wednesday, I hope it is nothing serious.

I must go now and take Sophie (our homeless woman who is no longer homeless) to the doctors and hopefully have some paper work filled out so we will be able to place her in a nice new home.

Have a great weekend and God Bless!

Favorite quote this day: Forgiving someone takes their power over you back. It is also entertaining to watch them continue to attempt to control you with what is no longer theirs.

Bully Free Zone

2010-10-25T18:40:00.000-07:00

    *This post comes with a warning: It may or may not be P.C. It is meant to be an honest conversation; if you fear honesty, please do not read!
The Network of Victim Assistance (NOVA) came into my life shortly after my brother was murdered. They counseled us and held our hands through every step of the justice system. I do not know what I would have done without them.
When NOVA invited me to sit on their board of directors; I was deeply humbled. More than anything I wanted to help others who had been faced with the horror my family faced. I also wanted to be an example to my kids; to show them bad things happen to good people and kindness begets kindness.
NOVA not only supports and empowers victims of all crimes they also educate. The education department holds seminars for police officers and hospital staff on empathy for victims of crime. They also visit every school in Bucks County, Pa. equipped with programs to counsel students in need, teach anger resolution skills, of course the famous good touch bad touch and my personal favorite The Bully Free School Zone.
Bullying is not new. It has been around since the beginning of time. Cyber bullying is however new and the jury is still out on whether bullying of any kind is just a right of passage while growing up.
Personally I think it is cruel and unjust and should never be tolerated. I am a Pisces after all which makes me a dreamer. I just want everyone to play nice.
Children MUST be taught to be kind. The best way to teach kids to be kind is by example. My kids will be the the first to tell you that I would give my last dollar to a stranger in need.
This brings me to my confession. I have been the victim of bullies my entire life. It started in kindergarten. The bullies I encountered only taught me who I did not want to be. That was pretty heavy for a 6yr. old but it is the truth. Was I afraid to go to school at times? Absolutely, I was terrified.
As I got older I was steadfast in my convictions.   I would never be mean to anyone; ever.
When I turned 13 the worst kind of bully entered my life. I was sexually assaulted by a trusted adult complete with threats of terror if I told anyone. I told.
I grew up and was bullied in my career by supervisors. This was prior to sexual harassment in the work place being invented, Yes I am that old,so to me they were just big bullies.
I also chose bullies for romantic partners. The scary thing was I actually believed I could help them; change them. What an idiot I was.
When 7 bullies chose to beat my brother to death with bats and hammers my kindness soul was cracked. For the first time in my life I felt gut wrenching, heart burning anger and hatred. My own thoughts scared me to death.
Through the grace of God, with the help of NOVA and 7 years of intense therapy, I slowly began emptying the bag I had stuffed with every hurt feeling, bad touch or evil word I ever heard. It was one heavy bag.
My conversation now turns to adult bullies. Little bullies unchecked grow up to be adult bullies. They come in all shapes, sizes, sexes, colors and nationalities. Can you recognize an adult bully? If one was harassing you would you be too ashamed, embarrassed or scared to tell someone?
I have had an adult bully for a very long time! I told everyone right away. I of course got the feeling no one believed me and was actually told that this person was practically a saint. I was deeply hurt. I let it go. Every now and again it would happen again. I started to stuff again but not for long. The difference now is I am a big girl and I have been armed with Mad Skills to out bullies. Actually all it took was putting my phone on speaker and having the non-believers hear the vile venom spewed my way. I will not tolerate that behavior from anyone ever again! (and just in case you were wondering I have no clue what I did or supposedly did to this person to cause the behavior).
So can you recognize an adult bully? They can be very crafty. They have a Jekyll & Hyde nature-they are vile and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses. No one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature-only the current target of the serial bully sees both sides.
Adult bullies use excessive charm and are always plausible and convincing with family, peers, superiors and others. The charm is used to cover up a deep lack of empathy.
These bullies will always outsmart most people in verbal interaction, especially in times of conflict.
They can be so kind, helpful and loving....verbally...but there can be a lack of physical love (hugging, snuggling, cuddling of children or spouse) due to severe emotional damage suffered early in life.
I feel deeply sorry for my personal bully. She is deeply unhappy and has never felt quite "good enough". I include her and her family in my prayers everyday. She however; must never take my forgiveness and kindness for granted. I will not be her victim again; ever!
*If you are being bullied by an adult-tell someone. Tell everyone, until someone listens. Of course today's technology can be quite useful in catching these bullies in the act!

My favorite quote this week: Four things that can never be recovered: the stone after it has been thrown, the word after it has been spoken, the occasion after it has been missed and the time after it has gone.

If you have time; you can scroll way down until you see the pretty gazebo. It is a link to NOVA and all kinds of useful information for victims and/or their friends or family. Peace!

Friday Fragments....Finally!!

2010-10-15T23:34:00.000-07:00

I have not had a good week! My newest computer fried and I thought once again I had lost everything. (My book revisions and my blog and of course all those photo's that need to be sent to snapfish). My husband unhooked everything and left the house with the computer. I pouted for awhile and than started to feel lazy so I took some laundry to the basement. The floor was wet; uggh the water was up to my ankles. I was upset. I moved just about everything down there because we are redoing a few rooms in the house. Some very sentimental items have been ruined. We never have water in our basement and cannot figure out why it keeps happening. We are calling a plumber on Monday. Any way have I ever told you all how much I love my husband. That man is a miracle to me. He has been dealt with the worst blows a parent should ever have to deal with and he finds happiness in the tiniest little things. I cannot help but smile when he looks at me. He makes everything okay. And on those days when he cannot find an itty bit of happiness I share mine with him. We are very sappy; but seriously love one another :)
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LETS GO PHILLIE'S On the menu for tomorrow nights game: junk food and lots of it. Wings, beans, salads, nacho's and so much more!!
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Did I mention my computer has been brought back from the dark screen? Only $65.00. But I need to re-load my word program and the stupid disc drawer will not open. We called the person who fixed it and she said she noticed it. DUH! Why did you not tell us? Now we have to unhook and take it back and WTH!!

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Okay enough suspense...but a little business first...FRIDAY FRAGMENTS is the brainchild of a very kind person; Mrs. 4444. You can find her and the link for FRIDAY FRAGMENTS here:www.halfpastkissintime.com
And I have chosen Mrs. 4444 as one of the winners in my goal to 300 followers contest. I felt like she read my posts and I appreciate her time.
I have also chosen VH Sehy Photography. (and to answer her question..Dave was Joan's uncle. They were only 2 years apart and were extremely close. Joan has a keen psychic ability as do I and it scares both of us. You can find her and her beautiful photo's here: vmsehyphotography.blogspot.com
I have also chosen Coby because she makes me smile; you can find a reason to smile and some joy here:
sugarbaby-coby.blogspot.com
And yes I have one more winner... and don't forget I will choose a winner for every 10 new followers. The winners will be randomly chosen from all followers and all comments. All you have to do is nothing; unless you want to leave me a comment :)
The one more winner is: Robin and she will make you laugh; check her out here: yourdailydose-robin.blogspot.com
So all of you please send me your address to doreenb8@verizon.net and I will send you something and thank you all for following and leaving meaningful comments; you have no idea how much you mean to me!!
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I am also hooking up with the very lovely Java at never growing old. This blog is very over 40 friendly. You can find many friends here at the Friday Follow: nevergrowingold.blogspot.com

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Our travel plans to a secret location have been made; I am bursting with excitement; The launch party is close to being finalized and I cannot wait to share all the details with you :) :) :)

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My favorite quote's this week :
Forgiving someone takes their power over you back. It's also entertaining to watch them continue to attempt to control you with what is no longer theirs.
And: Violence is never the answer unless the question is "what is never the answer" Cleveland

This weekend I will be having a movie date with my husband and watching some Phillie's (please let them win) and some Eagles and some Flyers's and I really hope I find some time to take out some winter clothes...it is freezing here in Philly!
Have a positive weekend!!

More from Bristol Stomp...

2010-10-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

Such a beautiful Ball Park!

Great Game!

How about those Phillie's!!!

To celebrate my blog approaching 300 followers I am giving a prize for every 10 new followers; The winners this week will be chosen from the comments on this post and from my last 2 posts. I am looking for the most meaningful comments...Good Luck and Thank You!!
I will announce the winner's on Friday!!

From Bristol Stomp:

I had plenty of time alone at night to think. I thought about that night often. I had always thought Dave had been coming west on Wilson Avenue. Or was he was driving east? Jerry Reeves car must have been following him down Route 13, Greene Lane and then onto Wilson Avenue. I just don't know. I believe Dave pulled over because Jerry was flashing his lights or beeping. David most likely assumed it was someone he knew. Perhaps he thought it was one of my kids or my sister or any one of his many friends. As Jerry walked up to the car and Dave rolled the window down, I believe Jerry punched David as the others in his car surrounded David's car. Joey and Anthony got out of the car. There was a fight that did not last long. Dave, Joey and Anthony were stunned. As they tried to pull away they were surrounded. I believe Dave was struck in the back of the head with something as soon as he got out of the car. He stumbled to the driveway being hit with something the whole way. When he was down I do believe Steve was hitting David with something, Mike Good was stomping on his head and Jerry was beating him with the level. When Galione finished beating on Anthony he came over and knelt over Dave and pounded that hammer into Dave’s head. This is what I think. Will I ever know the entire truth? I hope so. Will the others be arrested ever? I’m not going to give up, ever! There is no statute of limitation on murder.

Something else I think is instead of blaming my family, the Galione’s, Reeves and the other murderer’s family and friends should have started a fund for Michael and Birna. Birna lost her husband, her car and was unable to work in the United States until her green card situation was settled. We did not even have a car seat for Michael because someone smashed it to pieces. There was no reason to treat any of us the way we were treated. Where was your compassion, your Christianity? I do not know how you live with yourselves or sleep at night. Jimmy and Jerry went to jail because they murdered David. That was their choice. We did not put them there. That choice hurt a lot of people and still does, like it happened yesterday.

You should have the moral conviction to leave any time you see us at a party, in a store or at a bar. That would just be the right thing to do. How dare you make any comment to Birna or any of us! I pray every day for the ability to forgive you for your behavior. I pray that you will be struck by some flash of light that says, what where we thinking. Why did we hurt that family more than they where already hurting so badly?

What I mostly think is like so many other faces in a crowd I’m just a sister that lost a brother tragically. It is not a new story unfortunately violence does strike someone minute of everyday.

I thought a lot about Anthony and Joey and Dominic. Anthony and Joey were the last people on earth to hear David. They were the last two to see him as he was when he was alive, a big strong gentle giant. I wondered what they were thinking. Did they torture themselves like I did going over and over that night in their minds? Did David ever come to them in their dreams?

I also thought about my friends. I was so busy with the babies and my blossoming social life I never saw or heard from any of them. I really missed Tina. I wondered if I had done something wrong. Was she sick of my sadness and depression? Maybe she had stuff going on in her life and she needed me but felt I couldn’t be there. That made me sad. Or does life take people in different directions. Of course there were the friends that turned out to be not worth my time. The ones that said get over it already and move on. I was making some new friends at NOVA but I really did miss some of the old ones.

I thought about the psychic that night at Michael’s. He clearly saw something violent was going to happen. He told Joan to crawl under the car to be safe. Why didn’t Dave crawl under the car? Why did the psychic see Joan and not Dave in the violence?

Statistics show Road Rage is becoming an increasing problem in our nation. If you find yourself in a harassing situation by another driver, do not react! Avoid making any eye contact, this could be a trigger for confrontation. Do not be temped to accelerate, break or swerve suddenly. This may also be seen as confrontational and increases your chance of losing control of your vehicle. If a driver continues to hassle you or you think you are being followed, drive to the nearest police station or busy place and get help.

I thought about people like Natalie Holloway’s family. They have no idea what happened to their daughter. They have no idea where she is. We may not have all the pieces, but we do know David is dead. We know where his ashes are. These poor parents had no clue. I cried and prayed for them. I saw their fight for justice was going to be agonizing. I wanted to hug them. I wanted to go to Aruba and help them find their baby.

I tried to stop thinking about all of this stuff. I needed to move on and put some kind of life together for myself. I knew without a doubt I wanted to help victims. That would always be a part of my life. I devoted a lot of time to NOVA. I hoped God had put me on the right path.

Friday Fragments...

2010-10-08T11:04:00.000-07:00

I seriously cannot believe it is Friday again..but then again I am quite fragmented so it must be time for Friday Fragments. The lovely host for FF can be found here:www.halfpastkissintime.com
It is a way to dump out all the little pieces in your mind that actually are not enough for a complete post..check it out!

When you are finished there I'm sure if you are 40 or over you would just love Java and her Friday Follow. You can find her here:nevergrowingold.blogspot.com

So How about those Phillie's!! I am so excited and cannot wait to get home from work tonight to watch the game!!

I have to work on "branding" myself as an author this week. Doesn't that sound awful; like it is going to burn...anyway that is what I will be doing all week...

We had grand kids; Dominic (8) and his sister Adriana (1) last weekend while their older sister participated in a softball showcase. She is 15 and is already playing for college scouts? Whatever; I guess..
We talk the little ones to Linvilla Orchard's. They have a petting zoo and a farmer's market, an awesome playground and lots of pumpkins!

Feeding Rooster's

Dominic and Pop-Pop did guy things like clean the motorcycle and the car; cut the grass, build fires (in the pit). Adriana and I just played and snuggled. She is now 17 month's and I cannot believe how well she is talking, actually 3 & 4 words together..I was amazed!

All Boy!

Talking to Momma

She called it a kitty (she has a doberman)


I had to save her from the ostrich..so scary!

I cannot believe how well Dominic is doing. If you did not know; back in July at summer camp Dom had a metal pole go clear through his leg, down by his ankle. We thought he would lose his foot. Miraculously the pole went in between his major artery and his bone. All they had to repair was some muscle and ligaments. He will need plastic surgery at some point but can you believe he climbed a tree. It truly is a miracle!

I am still celebrating my quest to 300 followers. For every 10 new follower's I am picking a winner. I changed things up a bit last week and instead of picking randomly I am going to pick my favorite commenter from last Friday, this Friday and a serious post I will do on Monday. Hopefully I will need to pick several.

I am really missing my brother this week (the subject of my book). I don't know why, maybe the season change. I also miss my 2 brother's that are still here. Life really does get in the way sometimes. I am going to try to see both of them next week.

My favorite quote of the week:
This too shall pass. Change is the only constant. In order to take a breath, you must release a breath.
Have a positive and powerful week!

The beautiful sunset I witnessed on 95 south after dropping Adriana and Dominic off at home

Friday Fragments:

2010-10-01T00:04:00.000-07:00

It has been raining so hard today..all day..it does not usually rain for hours straight like this in Philadelphia..
I am so proud of our Philadelphia Phillie's; they have won the National League East Championship for the 4th year in a row..WOW..sorry but before the last 4 it was like 28 years..so we are painting our town Red once again and will probably be biting our fingernails and having cardiac problems..but we are excited!!
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I must thank Mrs. 4444 for hosting Friday Fragments and also suggesting we purchase our domain names. I went with Go Daddy; it was easy and $12.00. You can get some fantastic advice and meet some of the nicest blogger's if you visit our fantabulous host here:www.halfpastkissintime.com

After you are finished making some new friends there; please visit the beautiful Java who is the host for blogger's over 40 (if you fit that category) here:nevergrowingold.blogspot.com
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I have had a very busy week as usual and have really slacked on my writing and blogging. I have a lot of catching up to do. I am still having my celebration to reach 300 followers and I am going to change it up a bit this week. Instead of randomly choosing a winner from all followers; I am going to choose from the most meaningful comment between now and follower #260. Congrats to winner #4 Karen Mortensen from Mortensen Moment's, you can find this lovely woman and her beautiful photograph's here: tkdmoments.blogspot.com Thank you for following!
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These little sweeties are grand daughter's Avery Paige 4; Peyton Elizabeth 4 month's (today) and Morgan Layla; 7. For the heck of it I asked if anyone can tell me why these little ones go by both names I would send a prize to the first commenter with the right answer. Or I may pick 2 or 3 with the right answers. What can I say I love going to the post office with prizes! Good Luck, I cannot wait to see what you all come up with!
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This week we will be hosting our grand son Dominic who is 8 (the one the had the terrible freak accident a few post back...and his baby sister Adriana (17 months) Big sister Allyson (15) is playing a softball showcase out of town and Mom and Dad wanted to travel a little lighter this weekend. Hopefully this darn rain will stop and we can go pick pumpkins or something fun..


Dominic


Adriana and Mommy

My sister -in-law Nancy is visiting this week from Florida; My husband has 6 older sisters..Nancy is the youngest of the girls..she is a lot of fun and I am excited to visit with her!

That is about all I have for now, Thank you for stopping by!
And remember;"be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle"

More from "Bristol Stomp"

2010-09-22T09:13:00.000-07:00

I went into David’s room. We had to take turns. A machine breathed for him. Wires hanging and that awful beep, beep sound of monitors. I told him I loved him and that I would never leave him. He was covered in dry crusty blood. I wanted to wash him. The nurse said that was not a good idea right then. It was important for his brain to rest. He had pieces of glass stuck in his face and on his hands. I found that strange. Why had they not removed that glass from him? It must hurt. How did he get glass all over him? Was he in a car accident? A car accident most certainly made more sense. There had to be some confusion here.

I wanted my son. He was away, in Army boot camp. David was his best friend. My heart sank. I did not want to give him this news but I needed him. I called the Red Cross. The woman told me she would have to speak to David’s doctor. I thought, damn does she really think I would make something like this up?

I gave her the phone number for the hospital. It felt good to be thinking of something else, to be working on something. After speaking with the doctor the woman from the Red Cross told me they would indeed arrange to have Jimmy sent home. This is really bad, I thought. If they were sending Jimmy home from the Army, it is bad. I did not know what else to do. I was so tired. I thought of my job. It was still early but I thought I better call my boss. I worked in Advertising at the Bucks County Courier Times. The news paper, I thought, one of the reporters may know what happened. I would have my boss check with the news room to see if they knew what had happened. Then I remembered it was Saturday. I went back into the waiting room, sat down and closed my eyes. I wanted to go to sleep and wake up from this horrendous nightmare.

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The night before, I thought, seemed like ages ago. I had been out been out with my daughters, Joan and Heather. Joan had been going through a separation and Heather was just so busy with her son Kyle. I had just broken up with my boyfriend and was feeling really bummed. My girls and I never seemed to spend any time together unless it was with babies. So, we decided to go out, just the three of us.

As soon as we walked into Michael’s Café, the local singles, dancing, drinking establishment, off to the left sitting at a table was a psychic. Let’s do it, we decided. So before we even ordered our first drink we were sitting at a square table with a large bald man. I cannot remember his name. Heather went first. For her it was all good news. She would stay with her husband Matt, forever. Kyle, her baby who was born with special needs would do well. Joan went next. Here is where it got strange. It got very strange. He held her hand, tightly it appeared. He looked her in the eye and said to her, if something happens I want you to promise me you will crawl under the car, just remember that. Remember to crawl underneath of the car and you will be safe. We were firing questions at him that he did not answer. He was making me really nervous and a little mad. I’m sorry he said I just feel violence all around her, but she will be okay. He then asked Joan who Steve was. I do not know anyone named Steve, she answered. Well, my mother’s friend Tina has a son named Stephen, he is young, just a little boy. No the man said, not that one, this one is someone you were interested in romantically. We all laughed. Steve was a guy Joan had been interested in when she was a teenager. He was the brother of Wally, who was the original drummer in Dave’s band. We all laughed. I have not seen him in ages, Joan said. You will bump into this Steve this weekend, he said. We really got a laugh out of that. It would be interesting to say the least if she did run into Steve. Feeling a little bit better, we moved onto my turn. I wanted to know if I would get back together with my boyfriend. Not this weekend, he answered. Will I ever get back together with him? If you do, it will not be right, he is not the one for you, he said. When will I meet the right one for me, I asked? Not this weekend, he sort of whispered. We left that psychic with very strange feelings in our stomachs. We found a table and ordered some appetizers and drinks.

The music was loud. The people were loud. I wondered why I decided to bring these young girls to this middle age meat market. We did not stay long. That crazy psychic just made us uncomfortable. We decided to call it a night. Heather and Joan did not even want to stop at the diner. That made me a little sad. Heather went home to Matt and Kyle and Joan went home with me. After what that psychic said I was glad she would be home with me. We were quiet during the ride from Bensalem to Fairless Hills. It was then it dawned on me. I knew that guy, that psychic. He had come to my house in Bristol, like fourteen years ago to do a party. I wished I could remember his name. Back then he told my friend Pat that she was going to have twins, when she was older. At that time Pat had two little boys who were in school. She laughed and said she was not going to have anymore. Well guess what? She did. They thought she was going to have twins but she had one baby boy and a tumor. I thought of what he had told me back then. He told me my son was going to leave me and I should let him go and he would come back. My son did leave me to go live with his father in Erie. It broke my heart but I let him go. He did come back. It took years but he did come back. He told me my Jill would only fall in love once and would be in love forever. He told me my kids would be fine. They would grow up and be happy. He told me I would not find my true love until later in life. I thought about my friend Terry and what he told her. Her boyfriend was cheating on her, and he was. I was thinking about how I had not seen Terry in a long time or Pat for that matter. It is so strange how you spend so much time with someone, you know everything about their lives and then a page turns and they are not there. I should try to reconnect with them. Catch up with Pat, Terry and Tina, I thought, as I turned onto Valmore Road. I will make a cup of tea and watch some television. I did not feel tired. Then I saw Birna backing out of the driveway.

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Friday Fragments from a very fragmented mind...

2010-09-17T22:29:00.000-07:00

First and foremost I must thank the amazing Mrs. 4444 at Half Past Kissin Time for hosting this weekly dumping ground for the fragmented thoughts clogging up our heads. You can find all of her wonderfulness and hopefully some amazing new friends here:www.halfpastkissintime.com
I would also like to thank the beautiful Java at Never Growing Old for hosting a Friday Follow for us older folks (40 and over). If you fit that category you should most certainly check her out here:nevergrowingold.blogspot.com
So; I planted a garden this year. It was my first time. So far I have had enough string beans for a meal and today I got this:

It made a little healthy snack..

Okay..so I am not a good farmer now but just wait til next year!

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I have a marketing manager. Yes that's right! We are narrowing down details on my trip to meet my book production team. What I do not have yet is a publication date. This all has to be good though; right? Could I please (In a very sweet and kind way) have a date...please? I know these people check this stuff out so I have to be polite.
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Peyton Elizabeth; 3month's old

My newest little angel Peyton Elizabeth had her first sleepover at Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop's last Saturday night. Her little bigger sister Avery Paige and her big sister Morgan Layla joined us also. The little angel slept from 12:15 till 8:15 am. Of course I was up until 4am just making sure she was breathing. I took these photo's at 3am:


Mogan Layla; 7 years old

**Just because; if anyone can tell
me in a comment why these 3 grand
daughter's go by 2 names I will send

Avery Paige; 4 years old

you a prize! First correct answer wins;
or maybe I will choose more..never know..

Sunday Morning..butt drag day!

Okay; so speaking of contests you all know I am having one right? It is actually not a contest It is just my goal to reach 300 followers so I guess it is just a giveaway because you do not have to do anything but be a follower and have left a comment. We have had 4 winners so far (only 2 have responded so hurry or I will pick 2 more)...I was so excited when I went to the post office today to mail the prizes to:
#1-Neasha- She is a warm, friendly and a beautiful woman inside and out. You can find her here:thecomforttable.webs.com #2- Beth-The first word that comes to mind when I think of Beth is amazing. I love her blog. She is always learning something new and is always sharing what she learns. Her blog is always up to date and I have no idea how she does all that she does. You can visit Beth here:www.bethszimmerman.com So congrats to both of you and I am truly blessed to have you as followers!
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That was it for warm and fuzzy the rest of my week was full of pee and some no pee..Sophie; our 83 year old homeless woman (I really should stop calling her that she has been here nearly 2 years) anyway she pees her pants. I finally got her to wear depends..it was a battle. So I still smell pee. I was walking and crawling around looking for the source. I came to a piece of driftwood my in-laws found on the beach on their honeymoon. That was like 65 years ago. Anyway; Lance and Louie (my, I love them so much adorable little spoiled doggies) have been using this driftwood as their own personal tree. Any suggestions on cleaning it?

The pee post...

Avery Paige fell asleep on the floor in my office; she had an accident..now my office smells like pee and smoke (3 weeks today and no cigarettes). I had an MRI done and they used some kind of nuclear dye; I guess so my insides would glow and the day after I ended up in the ER (yes again). I could not pee and it was weird and painful. Turns out one of the possible side effects of the nuclear cocktail is mal- functioning kidneys. Why am I always the 1 in 1000? After a lot of IV and several nasty drinks I am peeing every 5 minutes. (I may need 1 of Sophie's depends). I had a new patient at work this week. He has a foley catheter and while changing from the night bag to the day bag (very early in the morning) I forgot to pinch the tube. WTH!! 10 minutes into a 6 hour shift I had pee all over me. Did I seriously just write about all that pee?
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I may have a cold. (I really do but I am pretending I don't because I still have more weekend warrior stuff to do before summer is truly over). We are going to visit my son and his 2 little sweeties Julia (10) and lil Jimmy (7). Then on Sunday we are going to a Phillie's game. I love the Phillie's :)

Don't look back on yesterday with despair. Look at tomorrow with hope.
                                            Have
                                                  a

Julia

                      positively
                                 Blessed
                                         Weekend
                                                   Everybody!

Jimmy

Getting ready to look in the rear view mirror...

2010-09-15T12:35:00.000-07:00

It has been one heck of a crazy summer for me and my family and I am trying to put it behind me and move on...
We had a brand new grand daughter born on June 1, 2010. It was a long and anxiety ridden pregnancy for all of us because my daughter has serious health issues of her own that put her pregnancy at extremely high risk. A bit early but 100% feisty and healthy we all welcomed Peyton Elizabeth into our family.
On June 16th we had a family week at the beach. When I say family I mean serious family; 100's of us. We had the most chaotic and glorious vacation.
The evening after we arrived home; we got the middle of the night phone call no parent or grand parent ever wants to receive. My stepson Michael, 29 years old had been in a motorcycle accident. He was in extremely critical condition with internal injuries to nearly every major organ. He was in a coma for 23 days.
On the 20th day I was at the hospital and they were preparing Michael for his 8th surgery. I had maintained my composure and tried to be strong for my husband because you see he lost his oldest son at the age of 17 to suicide. Michael was the only one for John now. But on that day I had a meltdown. There were 2 step parents;2 parents and a huge extended family and we were all there for John and Michael. A few were not there for me; and I still sting from the cruelness of a few others actions. I am working very hard at trying to forgive them and actually that is the easy part it is the forgetting that is hard.
So in my meltdown I went down to the lobby of the hospital and sat in a chair. The sun was shining so bright. The tears came and I could not stop them. My phone rang. It was my mother. My 8 year old grand son, Dominic was being air lifted to Children's Hospital after a freak accident where a metal pole went in one side of his lower leg and out the other. I stood up and began pacing like a crazy woman. They were taking him first to a Children's trauma center close to home to be stabilized and then sent to the city. I did not know which way to go.
The Public Relation's manager from Chester-Crozier Medical Center was hugging me and other personal surrounded me. They thought the worst had happened with Michael.
Miraculously the pole that went through Dominic's leg went between a main artery and a main bone. A miracle the surgeon said. They only had to repair some muscle and some tendon's.
Today both boys are recuperating and will by the grace of God be 100% as good as they were before their accidents.
My husband and I did a couple of 'we missed the whole summer marathons' and are now getting ready for the next season or the next chapter of our lives.
I can never thank all of you enough for your prayers and kind words. I really feel so connected to my blog friends and feel that if we ever meet it will be like we have been friends for years.
I am not quite ready to say goodbye to summer; maybe next week!
For now I am working on the very last revisions to the book; have made travel plans to meet my production team and I should be thrilled but I am still sad. It is the story of my brother's murder. I was so overwhelmingly compelled to tell the story; the insanity and senselessness of it all and I believe in my heart David would be thrilled for me. So I am going to smile and get ready for the next chapter of this process; which actually requires a lot more work than sitting in jammies and typing all day.
I collect quotes and have them everywhere but this one has been my favorite for about a month now and I am not going to miss my knock on the door.
"Before the angel of success arrives in your life, you should devote yourself to preparing your welcome for her. Polish your craft and strengthen your body to be fit so you can do your job and enjoy your success when it comes. Sharpen your mind and spirit so they are ready to face the challenges that accompany a visitation from the angel of success. If you are not ready when the angel knocks she will flee. And who knows if she will make it back around to your door again".

Peyton Elizabeth/3month's old

How could you not believe in angels?

Friday Fragments...

2010-09-10T00:16:00.000-07:00

beautiful sky!

I took this on the back of the motorcycle..


I am so sad to say goodbye to summer!

Well John and I are certainly making up for our lost summer..last weekend it was the beach for some much needed R & R and the weather was beautiful! We ate at our favorite Pizza Place (Too much)

Our new favorite boardwalk store..

We took a few motorcycle rides the nights were still warm enough for me.

The best Pizza in the world!!

Then she had to take an important call from her sister..

Adriana proudly showed me how she makes her Teddy bear sing

On the way home from the beach we stopped at my daughter Joan's house. I was really missing the kids.
You all know there has to be some drama in here somewhere right?
So we got home Monday night; I went to work Tuesday morning and half way through my shift I could hardly move. Stomach pain. I swore my gall bladder had just blown up or something. I finished my shift (yes I am crazy like that)
Then I went to my doctors office. She sent me for an ultrasound the next day at 7am (ugghh) and then I waited. At 3:00 she called and said to go to the ER. That was just a great experience. We arrived at 3:10pm and there was no one in the waiting room. We could not be that lucky! We left at 3am with a diagnosis of diverticulitis. It is not infected so I should be feeling better in a few days. I did not eat well while we were at the beach and I know better..oh well..So here we are at Friday again and I hope you will join our lovely host; Mrs.4444 here:www.halfpastkissintime.com You will not be disappointed!
When you are finished there be sure to stop by at Java's (if you are over 40) she is the host of Bloggers over 40 and you can find her and a lot of friends here:http://nevergrowingold.blogspot.com
We now have 4 winners of my quest to reach 300 followers..for every 10 new followers I will randomly choose a winner from my followers and comments..good luck everyone. If you are waiting for your prizes they are on the way..I was sidelined this week!
I have a lot of behind the scenes exciting book stuff happening and cannot wait to share it with all of you!
Have a positive and powerfull weekend..
P.S. I am just wondering if you still remember where you were when you heard the 9/11 news. Do you remember how you felt?

Friday Fragments

2010-09-03T05:59:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday Everybody! I am celebrating one week and one day cigarette free. You might think I was like a chain smoker or something with the tough time I have been having. I smoked 5 a day. I knew I was going to be quitting and I just kept cutting down. Yesterday was the easiest day so far. I broke down and am using the gum. It really isn't that bad and it helps. I just keep telling myself I have already saved like $42.00 and Hubby is doing really well so together we saved $84.00.
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It looks like Earl is going to pass right on by I just checked our weather and we are 0% rain for the next 5 days. It is weird because it is all dark and gloomy looking outside.
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I have not seen 1 of my grand children all week and I really miss them! I talked to 15 month old Adriana yesterday and yes she does talk. 15 month's old and she is putting 3 words together...her favorite "I got it"!
She does have a 14 yr. old sister and a 7 yr. old brother; and they have been reading and talking to her since she was born. Of course when talking on the phone with her she likes to push the buttons too...
Baby Peyton is 3 month's old. I just cannot believe how fast the time goes.
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It really does feel strange to have nothing traumatic to frag about. Michael is recovering quite well and Dominic is running on the foot he nearly lost a few month's ago. I am thankful it has been a boring week for a change.
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I am still having my contest to try to get 300 followers. I lost 3 this week. I do not know why that makes me so sad; but it does.
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I am off to work a very long day and then hopefully off to the beach for the weekend tonight!
Have a safe and happy holiday weekend everybody and do not forget to stop by and say hello to our host Mrs.4444 atwww.halfpastkissintime.com and when you are finished there stop by and see the beautiful Java and all of her friends at:nevergrowingold.blogspot.com and remember "the doors we open and close everyday decide the lives we live" Flora Whitman

The McGettigan's go to Washington and more from "BRISTOL STOMP"

2010-09-01T23:01:00.001-07:00

We made it!

President Lincoln looks so small here but he is really large..


I have never seen so many people in one place in my life and everybody was kind it was a bit strange in a very good way...

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I did not make my goal of 300 follower's before the end of August. I am not discouraged and will continue the contest for as long as it takes. For every 10 new followers I will randomly pick a winner from all followers to win some awesome prizes! Good Luck everyone! I really do appreciate your support!

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I wrote "Bristol Stomp" at first because I was so angry. Then I just wanted what happened to my brother to never happen to anyone else. What I wrote is a narrative non-fiction. When I became serious about giving this book to the world, I decided it would be MY story. I decided I would be completely honest which was fine for the bad people in the book but it was hard to give my truth but I think I accomplished it because once the first book rolls off the press I am going to feel completely naked. I will have no secrets. I gave a copy of the book to everyone in my family to read 7 month's ago. I wanted them to check my accuracy. I also wanted to know how they felt. I recently got blasted for something in the book that a relative felt was their private information. I never want to hurt anybody; but it is the story I have chosen to tell. I am hurt that I was just hearing about this now when the copies had been given out so long ago. I think a few more people will be upset before it is all over but I was not going to write a true story and not tell the truth..

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More from "BRISTOL STOMP"...

I was worrying about the trial. I was convincing myself I would feel better when at least some justice was served. I was so angry there had still been no other arrest.

I also wondered what it felt like to be Jimmy Galione’s mother. To know that the son you carried in your belly and gave life to, loved and took such good care of, took someone’s life. What would it feel like to know your son took the claw end of a hammer and slammed it into a man’s head over and over while that man was pleading for him to stop, begging for his life?

I wondered what it would be like if it had been my son. What if I got that phone call saying your son has just been arrested, for murder? He grew up with these people. What if he still hung around with them? I would start to feel sorry for Jimmy’s mother and his father. His sisters Angela and Michelle, they did not deserve to have a murderer for a brother. I really did try to feel sorry for them but the truth was they were in denial. They were lying for their son and telling him to lie. That fact made me hate them. If it was me I would have told my son to be a man and tell the truth. I mentioned these thoughts to my son and he convinced me there was a difference. He said there was a reason he no longer hung out with them. He also said he just could never hurt anyone like that. I believed him.

I also realized had anything like that ever happened with my son I would still love him. I would also have compassion for the victim’s family. On the other hand at that point I did not feel sorry for Jerry Reeves parents. I knew he had been in trouble before. He was definitely troubled. I heard he had hit his girlfriend’s father over the head with a heavy frying pan. That kind of anger does not happen overnight. Why hadn’t his parents done anything about his violent behavior? They had to have seen his anger escalating. Maybe it was because I didn’t know them. I didn’t know Jerry when he was a little boy. I thanked God my son was not a murderer. I thanked God my kids were all kind people. I made a mental not to never again complain about anything they ever did. At least they were not killers. I had to fight all this anger and hatred I felt because I did not want my kids to become consumed with hatred.

I was forced to think about my opinion of the death penalty. I do not think I had an opinion at that time. It was not something I wanted to think about, ever. The owner of the Levittown News World, a little store in Fairless Hills that Dave and I frequented said if this had happened in his country they would march the guilty down the middle of the street and everyone would do unto them what had been done to Dave. What a pleasant thought if only for a moment.

I tried to imagine myself with a hammer and a bat just pounding away at them. An eye for an eye it is in the bible, right? The truth is I could not do it. The thought of hurting anyone like that made me sick to my stomach. I thought about the atrocities in foreign countries. It was just not right. However, was the death penalty right? I concluded, in my mind it was. I also concluded it is not right the way it is in now, in America. It is a joke. It takes too long. Then there is the issue of mental competence. Should you be excluded from the death penalty if you are mentally retarded? Should you be excluded if you are mentally ill? What if you are a minor and you kill? I believe every legal step should be taken to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. It should just be done faster. I must admit the thought of this whole gang sitting on death row was a pleasant one. Waiting day after day wondering if this would be the day. Would that be torturous? I hoped so. David was tortured. I hoped they heard Dave’s pleas in their sleep. I hoped they felt his warm blood splattering on their faces. I hoped every time they closed their eyes they saw baby Michael’s innocent little eyes. I wanted them to feel every pain David had felt.

I wanted to know what David felt. How do you even imagine laying in a driveway and getting hit with the claw end of a hammer and kicked in the head with boots and punched all over your body? I tried to imagine his pain. I tried to imagine what was going through his mind. I couldn’t imagine. I still can’t. I just prayed that David lost consciousness quickly and was asleep.

I remembered in the hospital the nurse telling me Dave’s kidney’s were smashed, his liver was torn, his leg was broken, his arm was broken, his hand was broken, his fingers were broken and he had several skull fractures. Dave was a big man. I tried to imagine how hard you have to hit someone to break a bone. To break a thick bone, like Dave’s. When I would have these thoughts, it was just for a minute or two. I couldn’t bare more then that. I would get nauseous then I would feel guilty. I wondered if anyone else in my family was being tortured by these thoughts but I could never get the words out.

Friday Fragments...

2010-08-26T22:52:00.000-07:00

I could not be more fragmented this week if I tried. I worked a crazy lot of hours taking care of other peoples old people..I'm supposed to be working 15 hours a week (because of my injuries from an accident) I think I trippled those hours this week. I will be very happy on pay day!
We have now had 3 winners chosen for my goal of 300 followers; for every 10 new followers I will randomly pick a winner from all followers; I really appreciate all of your support and wish you luck in winning some of the awesome prizes(((HUGS)))..we are very close to choosing #4
I quit smoking. That is it I am done! Of course I just forgot and went to get one..but they are gone..please pray for me..send me strength..I know I can do it. Hubby is quitting too so we are in this together. I have to think of something else now..
We will be headed to Washington, DC tomorrow morning and we will be spending the weekend! It seems like forever (well actually it has been forever) since hubby and I just rolled...   The weather is supposed to be perfect! I have not been this excited about something for a while. It has been a rough summer.
                                                        We will be attending a Rally on

My alter ego/the biker chick!

Saturday and then sight seeing and probably lots of eating because I WILL NOT SMOKE!
I probably will not stop by to visit you all until Monday Night..but before the week is out I will be here www.halfpastkissintime.com to visit our wonderful Friday Fragment's host; Mrs.4444 and then I will be by to visit Java and all her friends at http://nevergrowingold.blogspot.com for Follow Friday (over 40)

This is how we roll...

Brotherly Love/ Lance and Louie my precious moment of the week; these guys are so funny they do everything together/hubby says they are co-dependent and I guess they are !

;

More from "Bristol Stomp" The Baby Parade Continues..

2010-08-25T22:42:00.000-07:00

My baby parade continued. In October we found out Heather was expecting. I was scared for her. We all were. If anyone deserved a miracle, it was Heather. I had no doubt God chose the right parents for Kyle. I was in awe of the way she loved and protected that baby. Just imagine how scary it would be to deal with feeding tubes, gagging and endless doctor visits. Not to mention the constant fear of not knowing how long your child would live. Yet here she was this amazing young woman making it all look so easy.

Joan was scared. I think she was more frightened than Heather and Matt were. Joan wanted more than anything for Heather to experience what it was like to have a healthy baby.

I will never forget the afternoon, I was at Joan’s house and Heather called. All the testing had been done. Joan answered the phone and just started crying. I panicked and started to cry. The baby is 100% healthy, she screamed. We both ran into Joan’s bedroom and sat on the bed and cried. Once the news sunk in we immediately started planning the baby shower. Wishes do come true was the theme. Ten days later we found out the baby was a boy. It was a difficult pregnancy, on Heather. The baby was fine. She had a cyst on her ovary that caused extreme pain and injured an abdominal muscle. It was going to be a long couple of months.

Was I dreaming or had it really been five years since the trial ended. Julia was five. She would be starting school in the fall. It seemed so unreal. What had I done for the last five years? It was like a dream. I had started a business, finished school, became a NOVA board member and became very active in the organization and politics. Not to mention my family was expanding by leaps and bounds. Why did it all seem like a dream? I felt like I was on the ceiling looking down and not really participating in any of the life that was happening.

When the envelope appeared in my mailbox from the state victims advocate office, it was real. Jimmy Galione was applying for parole. He had been sentenced to five to ten years. It could not happen. He could not be released. I called my NOVA advocate and asked what we could do to stop his release. Our only recourse was to write letters to the parole board. We were not allowed to appear at any of the meetings. I was scared. I was in no way shape or form emotionally ready to even fathom the idea of him free. I hated Judge Heckler. All the feelings I had at the sentencing came flooding back. We all wrote our letters. There was nothing else we could do. We waited.

March brought more baby news. Jill was expecting again. The news came just in time to soften the blow of the sixth anniversary of David’s death.

Time was beginning to soften the pain around the edges. I was remembering more of the happy memories with my brother and dwelling less on the horror of his death. I still had my moments and could not control the images of that night when they snuck up on me out of no where. I did my best to get past these moments.

Heather called to tell me her water had broken. I met her at the hospital. She seemed nervous, very nervous. Her labor had barely started so I knew it would be a long night. Visitors came and went throughout the day. I was staying. Matt’s sister, Dawn did not have children and had never experienced the joy of seeing a baby born. I was excited for her. I had the nagging feeling that I needed to be there so I stayed. I sat in the waiting room and worried. We knew the baby was healthy but I loved Heather like my own daughter and I was worried. The nurses were kind enough to allow me into the room to visit. Matt, Dawn and I talked, laughed and did every thing we could do to pass time. Heather was comfortable and sleeping. Then the craziest thing happened. Matt became extremely ill and had to be taken down to the emergency room. Dawn went with him. He was admitted and stuck. Once we received the news of Matt being admitted Heather’s labor started to progress quickly. I was able to stand in for him. Something told me not to leave that hospital. I was so happy I could be there for Heather.

When I saw the chord wrapped around the baby’s neck. I froze. Please God do not do this to her, I begged him. The doctor shot me a warning look. Do not say anything I read in his eyes. I prayed so hard. I found myself assisting in removing the chord from the baby’s neck.

On July 13, 2005 Ryan Andrew Schoell was born. He was blue and his lips were bright red from his lack of oxygen. He recovered within seconds and was crying. I looked out the huge window and up at the beautiful morning sky and thanked God and David.

The picture of Heather holding that gorgeous little baby was magical. He was perfect. Within minutes of his birth the room filled with friends and family. It was another great moment that would be etched in my memory forever.

I enjoyed spending time with Matt’s mother Maryanne and his sister Dawn decorating the nursery. Heather shared with me she did not want to go back to work and leave the baby. I offered to move in and care for him. I had seriously been planning my great escape and now I was committed. I had resigned myself to the fact that I was leaving with the clothes on my back and what little else I could carry.

One afternoon shortly after my decision was made there was some pushing and shoving and terrible screaming. It was about the amount of time I had been spending with Heather. The next afternoon I called Birna (she had a truck) and my girls and within two hours I was moved in with Heather and Matt. My life was once again my own. I was so relieved. I felt safe for the first time in years. I had to come up with a plan, a life plan, but for now I just wanted to relax.

Shortly after moving in with Heather and Matt I received the news my brother Frank and his wife Cheryl were expecting. I was thrilled!

I had so many grand children and my brother Frank, only four years younger than me, had no children of his own. He had Andrew and Alexis his step children and to put it lightly he adored them and they where more than enough for him. I was really proud of the way he fell in love with those kids. He already was a great Daddy.

This baby was due the week David died. I was not comfortable with that thought to tell you the truth. I thought again about what Allyson had said and I felt better about the date. David was sending these babies to us from heaven and whenever God decided to have Frank and Cheryl's baby enter the world would be just fine.

I was still feeling the joy of this news when the letter arrived from the parole board. Jimmy Galione was going to be released from prison. I was devastated. What was the parole board thinking? Our letters were not good enough? We didn’t deserve just a little more peace in our lives? Would he get out and kill again and put some other family through the nightmare we were enduring? Would he or his family harass us again? I had so many questions. Would it finally be the time for the district attorney’s office to act on the other arrests? I was quite sure Galione would not cooperate with them. Why would he do the right thing?

I left it up to my daughter Joan to stay in touch with the police. I could no longer handle the rejection. She was working with the Bristol Borough police now so I hoped she would be able to get some answers.

It was that day I decided to write this book. I had kept a journal so I took it out and read each page. I read all of the newspaper articles, my daughter Jill had kept so meticulously. I acquired the court documents. It was painful and slow going at first and then the words came. The words came in intervals, sometimes pages at a time and at other times, merely sentences.

I wondered who, from our family would be the first to run into Galione. I hoped it would not be my son.

I called his parole officer. I wanted to know the conditions of his release. One of the conditions was, if he were to run into any family member or friend of David, he was to immediately leave.

Of course, it was my son who ran into him first. My son was in the Uni-Mart, a small convenience store, in Bristol. When Galione saw my son in the store, he turned around and left. At least he did what he was supposed to do. Would it continue?

It was really an awful thing to think but I almost wished he would hurt someone else so he had to go back to prison. My real self would never wish that pain on another family. I could not control my thoughts. I was just so frustrated with the justice system. People that wrote bad checks got longer sentences than this murderer.

I busied myself with NOVA, talk all the courses and did the training I needed to do to be able to help others. I joined the speaker’s bureau. The first time I spoke in front of a group it was excruciating. I could not control my emotions as I told my story, but I got through the speech. The group was kind and invited me back to speak again. It took three speaking engagements before I was able to maintain my composure.

I enjoyed informing the Bucks County Communities of the services NOVA offered and was surprised at how many people had no idea such an organization existed. I really enjoyed meeting people too. It was so comforting when they would come up to me afterward's and say, I remember that story. I remember your brother.

I was terrified to go anywhere in Bristol alone. I did not want to run into anyone from the Galione or Reeves families. I stuck to visiting homes. I tried to stay out of public places unless I had someone with me.

In October my nephew, Tony was involved in a car accident. My sister’s son was sixteen years old. He and his friends where at football practice and decided afterwards to go to Taco Bell. Driving down Route 13 towards Bristol Borough Tony’s friend lost control of the car and crashed into a bridge embankment. The friend was killed instantly. Two others were in critical condition. All I could think of as I looked around the hallway in that hospital was no, this was not going to happen to us again. Another one of the boys died. My heart broke for their families. I knew the look in their eyes. I felt there pain.

I was so worried about my sister. If baby Tony (yes we all called him that ) did not make it through this my sister would never, ever recover. Tony had many injuries the worst being a

broken neck. I was allowed to see him briefly, before they transported him to St. Christopher's Hospital for Children in Philadelphia. He was alert and able to talk which gave me great hope.

He improved quickly and was doing well. His football days were over and I know that was sad for him. I was so thankful to God that not only was he alive, he was not paralyzed. I worried about him emotionally. He had just lost two close friends.

My sister did not deserve this fear. Tony was only sixteen. These were good kids. There had been no alcohol or reckless driving involved. I felt selfish for feeling sorry for Tony and my family, when two others where burying their young sons. I refused to become obsesses with dark feelings. It was a long recovery, but Tony would be fine. He had to be.

That fall I was asked to co-chair NOVA’s largest fundraiser of the year. It was so exciting to work on the committee and then see the Galaxy Art Show and Sale come to life on opening night. The show was a success and raised much needed funds for the agency. I knew why I was involved with the organization so it was interesting to find out why others were. Some had tragic stories and others just wanted to help. Why did it take a tragedy for me to want to help? I promised myself I would never allow that to happen again. I would always be involved in something that involved helping my community.

The holidays arrived once again as they do every year. I was getting excited and anticipating the birth of Jill and Kevin’s new baby. I was praying constantly for my brother and Cheryl’s little one.

Another New Year's Eve came and went. As usual, and unfortunately as I expected no new arrests were made.

My pity party was interrupted this year. On January 11, 2006 Avery Paige Timm entered our family. She was very tiny. Avery had a double hernia that required surgery. When I handed that tiny little girl over to a nurse at St. Christopher’s Hospital for Children, I nearly passed out. I cried and Jill cried. I prayed so hard and hoped God wasn’t sick of hearing me.

Avery came out of the surgery fine. As far as Jill and I, I doubt we will ever recover.

Julia turned six. It was a bad year for Julia. Her Mommy left and my son was now a single father. I can say I have never been so proud of him. His heart was broken; he really loved his wife but he also loved his kids. I was in awe as I watched him handle the day to day stresses of raising two little ones alone.

Another year since the trial ended. I was really losing hope. I was just going to be forced to live in a world were murderers were allowed to walk free. My strength to fight was gone. I was angry with myself for not beating down the district attorneys door. I was not putting any pressure on the police. I was thinking of doing all of this and more but I did nothing.

A letter arrived from the parole board. Jerry Reeves was requesting parole. I wondered if writing a letter even mattered. I decided I had to try. I felt like I had to force my family to write letters. We all wrote them and waited.

Another April arrived. Another ecumenical service was held at the park and unfortunately there where many new victims and their families. I tried to think of the positive things in my life. A lot had changed in seven years. A lot happened that David should have been part of. How could I help but be angry?

On May 8, 2006, Baron Von Streibig was born. I was once again blessed to be right there as he took his first breath. I had my doubts, over the years. Would I would ever witness my brother Frank holding his very own child? The moment was amazing. I could feel David’s presence in the room. I could hear him saying, Spanky you did it! He would have loved this day.

Friday Fragments:

2010-08-19T22:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday Everyone! I said not too long ago that Friday was my favorite day of the week, because I no longer work weekends. I am working Saturday this week..just for a couple of hours. I still love Friday because it is Friday Fragment Day; where you can just spew all the stuff out of your cluttered mind. Our wonderful host for Friday Fragments is Mrs.4444. You can find her and all of her wonderfulness here:http://www.halfpastkissintime.com

Peyton Elizabeth

Avery Paige Yep that's her

Imagine my excitement when I stopped by there tonight and saw that I have been awarded the Favorite Fragmenter Award. Thank you Mrs.4444! For the rest of you stop over and see the Fragment that landed me this award. It has to do with my brand newest grand baby Peyton Elizabeth and her 4 year old sister Avery. Well this fragment would not be complete without adding this week's precious moment. I asked Avery if she liked being a big sister. Her answer " Oh Mom-Mom I'm still the little sister, Morgan is the big sister, I'm little and Peyton is the baby". I said" Why don't you want to be a big sister"? She answered "That's a big job and I'm just too little".

Morgan the proud big sister and Lance

I am also participating in Follow Friday; this is hosted by the beautiful Java and you can find her here:http://nevergrowingold.blogspot.com

And for the first time I am participating in New Friend Friday over at
http://thegirlcreative.blogspot.com

In case you have not heard I am having my first ever give away to celebrate my 200 followers and my goal of reaching 300 by the end of the month! For every 10 new followers I will randomly choose a winner. If you follow and have left a comment you are in. If you are the ambitious type you can send over a new follower (make sure they tell me in a comment you sent them) and you will each receive 5 extra points! Good luck Everyone; I really do appreciate your blog friendships (((HUGS)))
My hubby and I are going to Washington next weekend for a rally. We are riding down on the motorcycle (this should clear up a dilemma we had last Friday). I am just looking forward to spending some alone time with my best friend!
I had another MRI on Wednesday. Of course it was awful; they used dye and I could taste it! It was so gross.
Book News: Still in pre-publication doing last minute edits to the last 2 chapters; should have these done by tomorrow and hopefully (please,please) have a publication date very soon. In the mean time I am entering a contest at Glamour Magazine. It is supposed to be a real life story. They will think I made the ~~shit~~ stuff up! Anyway wish me luck...
Michael is home!! He is still in some pain but he is working very hard at physical therapy and we are expecting a full recovery. Dominic is also doing very well and is actually putting weight on his foot and still hoping to be able to play football this fall.
Okay I am fragmented out but I will leave you with this: There is a light at the end of every tunnel; you just have to pray it is not a train.
I wish you all a blessed weekend!

Blog Contest and more from "BRISTOL STOMP"

2010-08-16T11:46:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to have reached 200 followers on my blog. To celebrate we are having a contest. I have a goal of reaching 300 followers by the end of August. So, for every 10 new followers I will randomly choose a winner from all followers. It's that easy! Follow, leave a comment and you are in. Of course if you are ambitious and want to up your chances you can send a new follower to me (make sure they let me know you sent them in their comment) and you will each receive 5 more points.
We have winner #2 and it is the awe inspiring Neasha Clark; thank you and congratulations! to learn more about Neasha:www.thecomforttable.webs.com

Now more from: "BRISTOL STOMP"

I spent the evening tidying up the waiting room, talking on the phone and sitting with David. I would sit in a chair and doze on and off. At one point I woke and saw a man and a woman I did not know sitting across from me. There son had been in an accident. A nurse came in to talk to them and they started to cry. I felt bad for them and at the same time I was upset. They were invading our space; this was our room. I went into the bathroom and did my best to wash up. I brushed my hair and put on some make-up. The sun was coming up. Back in the waiting room plans were being made to pick up my son and Birna’s sister from the airport. I did not want to go. It was Sunday, April 26st. The show at the Trocadera was supposed to be today. I went back into Dave’s room. There was a doctor in there checking the respirator. I asked him if he was going to remove it, thinking maybe they would see if Dave would be able to breathe on his own. That doctor looked at me like I was an alien. I did not see anything wrong with the question. He ended up just mumbling no, they would not be removing the respirator.

Birna’s sister Elsa arrived, from Iceland. She had a son just three months younger than Michael. He was adorable. I was relieved she was here for Birna. It was an awful excuse for a visit, I thought to myself but Birna needed support and I could not give it to her. While the happy reunion was going on in the waiting room, I walked back to Dave’s room. There was a nurse, a doctor, Randy Morris, the police detective and Joe a police officer in the room. They were whispering but I overheard. David was brain-dead. He would not recover. I was numb. I sat with him for a long time. I walked down the hall and back in to the waiting room and said nothing. I just sat there. My mother was sitting in a chair, praying for a miracle. My son arrived and he was talking with his girlfriend and his sisters, still trying to put the pieces together. He was smiling. He was just happy to be home. He had no idea how serious this was. Michael was crawling around on the floor. Birna had finally fallen asleep. I just sat there and cried. I was in a room full of family and friends and I had never felt so alone.

David’s friends were there. They were discussing having him transferred to Jefferson or University of Pennsylvania Hospital. My mind started to play tricks on me. Perhaps there could be a miracle. I watched as they hustled back and forth making phone calls, talking to the doctors trying to arrange the transfer. The doctors said no. There would be no miracle here. The benefit concert was supposed to be today and all we heard was the rumbling of the respirator and the faint beeping of the monitors. David and the rest of the band were really looking forward to that show. I wanted to be angry, I tried to be angry but I felt nothing. I just cried, slept, went out to smoke and cried some more. I felt as if my body was being lifted up and I was floating around by the ceiling just looking down on everyone. People were praying, crying, talking and sleeping. My brother Nicky was getting angry. It was just his way. He said some things that should have hurt my feelings but I did not feel anything.

I just thought about when he and Dave were little and how much I loved them. I remembered Christmas’s when they were small and spoiling them with all the best toys. I remembered giving Dave a Stretch Armstrong guy when he was 4 years old. One morning he walked up to me with stretch and wanted to know what was inside. I was busy with Joan who was a baby but I started to feel guilty so I grabbed stretch and squeezed him. I could not figure out what was inside so to Dave’s delight I grabbed a knife and we operated on stretch. It is crazy but right now, for the life of me, I cannot remember what was inside that stupid doll. What I do remember was the two of us laughing so loud and hugging him. Then we went and bought a new Stretch Armstrong. I can still hear him looking up at me and saying “You are way cool”. I remembered the wonderful summer I spent with the boys in Rhode Island. David was just 3. I remembered taking them to baseball practice and games. They were such opposites. Nicky was outgoing and loud. David was always shy and quiet.

***************

The doctor’s finally told us David was in fact, brain-dead. He would never wake up. They were just keeping him alive at this point because he was an organ donor. They asked Birna if she wanted him taken off the machines. She was not ready to make that decision. None of us were ready to play God. I thought of a time a few years before when my cousin Robin was in a coma. His kidney’s had failed. The doctor’s had asked his wife Tracy if she wanted the machines turned off. She, at the time was nine months pregnant. She did not turn off the machines and Rob recovered. Well sort of and that story would take a whole other book, let’s just say Rob was never the same. Tracy gave birth to a beautiful little boy they named Joseph. She was here now at the hospital supporting us. She had remarried and well as far as Rob, nobody knew where he was.

****************

On April 28^th I left the hospital. I had to get out of there. I went home. Most of our neighbors met me in the driveway. They seemed to know more about what had happened than I did. I took a long shower, crying the whole time. I decided to stop by my job at the newspaper just to let them know what was going on and to maybe do a little bit of work. As always there was a newspaper on my desk. There was an article about “The Fight”. Allen Rubenstein, the Bucks County District Attorney was quoted in the article: “What did Mr. Albert expect when he stopped his car; tea and crumpets? I could not catch my breath and my heart was racing. This man has no idea what happened that night. I wanted to drive to Doylestown and punch him right in his face. He was accusing David of starting the fight. My phone rang. It was Jill telling me to get back to the hospital. As I was driving back I was thinking about the ride to the hospital a few nights before. It seemed like a long time ago. Was it really just four nights before?

When I walked down that long hallway I saw Nicky sitting on the floor outside David’s room his face in his hands, sobbing. The machines were no longer working to keep Dave’s heart beating. He was really gone. They were preparing to take him to another hospital where they could harvest what they could for donation. My sister Dee and her husband Tony were going with David. Someone had to be there to identify him. I did not want him to leave. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I still wanted a miracle.

Friday Fragments:

2010-08-12T23:50:00.000-07:00

Again; what a difference a week can make. Michael is being released (if all goes well) on Saturday. He had his 10th surgery yesterday and this one was to remove the ventilator and the feeding tube. We are so relieved! He still has a long way to go but he is a champion boxer so we have no doubts he will give this battle 100%. I will never be able to say enough thank you's to everyone who left kind comments and prayed. Thank you!


This is Michael and I after one of his boxing matches..he won!

So it is Friday Again already and I cannot believe it is August. The good thing about Friday; however is The famous Mrs.4444 who is our lovely host for Friday Fragments where we can dump all the fragmented thoughts out of our heads. You can visit her here and I promise you will not be disappointed http://www.halfpastkissintime.com
I have a goal of reaching 300 followers on my blog by the end of August. Of course I want it to be fun so I am having my first ever contest/giveaway. For every 10 new followers there will be a winner. If you follow and have ever left a comment you are in. 1 point for following and 1 point for every comment. (I will only count one comment per post). It is that easy. If you want to up your chances send a new follower my way and have them let me know you sent them in a comment and you will earn 5 extra points and so will they. I am so exited as this will hopefully happen around the same time I receive big book news!
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I really am quite fragmented this week; so much going on and so much to do and guess what I did yesterday? I went Christmas shopping (please do not hate me but with 11 grand kids I have to do it this way).
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I am also enjoying my time with Blogger's over 40. Java also hosts a Friday Follow which you can find here:
nevergrowingold.blogspot.com
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We have great news to share; my husbands niece Kate who is also a writer and actually the one that inspired me to create my blog HAS FINALLY LANDED AN AGENT!! We are all so proud of her and you all should hop over and congratulate her...make sure you tell her I sent you!skateorbate.blogspot.com
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Has anyone noticed I have learned to put links and photos in a post? I know about time right? Just ignore that photo bucket stuff; I really thought I was all that and tried to put some photos of prizes in there...maybe by next week!
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I am reading "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" It actually comes with a 12 week workbook. I am enjoying the book and although I am a rather passive person I have been getting rather angry lately over being dis-respected and treated well like a 2 year old. I tried to reach out with this person and kind of agree to disagree and I was hung up on. I am trying really hard to be like Mary..wish me luck!
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You all have a positive and productive week!
WE HAVE OUR FIRST WINNER!!! CONGRATULATIONS TO C.Lee McKenzie you can learn more about her here: writegame.blogspot.com

The Beautiful Blogger Award..

2010-08-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to receive this one because; I really like it. traci@38andgrowing.blogspot.com was kind enough to pass it on to me. Thank you I really appreciate it!
In honor of this award I must state 7 beautiful things around me:
1) My husband; because he is my best friend and beautiful inside and out!
2) My kids; because they are beautiful!
3) My grand kids; because they give me renewed hope for a brighter future!
4) My tiny little garden because it is actually growing food!
5) My two little doggies because they make me laugh!
6) People that can be honest without purposely hurting your feelings!
7) Honor; it is a beautiful thing and it is hard to find these days!

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I have chosen the following seven blogs to receive the Beautiful Blogger Award:
me-myself-and-pie.blogspot.com

softwindandroses.blogspot.com
onreeones.blogspot.com
hauplight.blogspot.com
vmsehyphotography.blogspot.com
4thfrog.blogspot.com
shellisweddingblog.blogspot.com
Thank you all for saying something that made me smile:)
Now you must list 7 things beautiful around you
and choose 7 to pass the award on to!

AND LOOK I FINALLY KNOW HOW TO DO LINKS IN POSTS!! It truly is a beautiful day!
Tomorrow, I will be figuring out photo's!

Friday Fragments:

2010-08-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday Everyone! Thank you Mrs.4444 for hosting, if you have not checked her out at "half pass kissing time" please do, she is running around like a chicken over there today. The link is down below where you will find all kinds of stuff..

Michael continues to do well in rehab. They FINALLY took him of the respirator! He can talk. We are thrilled to hear his voice again. I will never be able to thank all of you enough for your prayers and kind comments.

Lil Dominic is also doing well; he hates using the crutches so I am hoping they can go soon. He now has company 2 of his cousins also have stitches. The rest of the summer will be video games and movies for them!

A precious moment: I was visiting my daughter Jillian and holding brand new Peyton Elizabeth. I was telling the baby how happy we all were to have her in our family and how lucky she was to have 2 of the best big sisters. 4yr. old Avery Paige said "Mom-Mom you do understand that she can't really know what you are saying and she really can't talk yet". The whole time she was explaining this to me she was softly rubbing the baby's head. That reminded me of a time when Dominic was about her age and in the supermarket there was a woman with a very tiny baby. Dominic asked her "Can I pet your baby"?

For those of you who have asked and commented on the homeless woman we have living in our house; check out my Wednesday post.

We have a dilemma. I know; what else is new. Michael was just in this terrible motorcycle accident and the first thing he said when he could speak was "I never want to ride again". That is more than fine with us. The problem is my husband rides and I ride with him. It is what we do. WE go to Daytona Beach every year for bike week, we ride to the Jersey shore, we ride down some of the most beautiful back and winding roads. And I must tell you I love my alter ego the biker chick. I love the clothes. At first my husband said he too was done. Now he is not sure. I'm not sure. WE will be discussing this one a lot!

I have really good book news coming soon so stay tuned! I am also so excited that I am so close to 200 followers (thank you all so much)! I have a goal of 300 by the end of August. And of course we are going to celebrate along the way. I am going to have my first ever giveaway. If you follow me and have ever left a comment, you are in. 1 point for following and 1 point for each comment. (I will only count 1 comment for each post). If you do want to do something you can send someone to follow me and tell them to let me know in their comment. For that 5 points. So for every 10 new followers I will randomly pick a winner. There will be books and some gift baskets and some other goodies!

It really feels good to be humming Fraggle Rock again and to not be so worried about the boys...

I have other big news too..my husbands niece Kate finally landed herself an agent. The woman is talented and we are all so proud of her..

So please go now and follow Friday Fragments and Over 40 bloggers! You will find their links down below, just go a scrolling and you will find the links. Kate's link to "Some things I think" is there too..check her out; she is funny and talented and brilliant. She did the funniest video...

I am so trying to figure out how to do links and photo's in my post. That is it I am figuring it out this week come hell or high water!

Have a powerful and positive week everyone..

The Stranger in my recliner:

2010-08-04T23:02:00.000-07:00

Because I have been getting a lot of comments lately about the homeless woman we
took in 18 month's ago; I thought I would re-post the story of Sophie:
The wedding was now nothing more than a blur in my mind. The day went by so quickly. Perhaps it was because I really did nothing to plan the event. John took care of just about every detail. Maybe it was because part of me just believed it would never happen. It was nothing I would have ever planned other than the fact it happened on the beach. Of course the most important, the most meaningful part was the fact that I was marrying my best friend and my soul mate and there was no doubt in my mind, the two of us did not just happen to be together.
Anyway, the wedding behind us I moved into John’s house with his big, fluffy white, German Sheppard dog and his mother. I was in cultural shock. I left my daughter and son-in-laws house where I spent my days caring for seven grand children and my nights working to save the world as a victim’s advocate. John’s house was full of the memories of an 83 year old woman and a 50 year old man. Bachelor pad meets Grandmother’s house to put it lightly.
I considered myself blessed because John’s mother was a wonderful woman. I adored her and loved listening to her endless stories of raising her eight children. As compulsive as I was I was determined not to change anything in her home, other than the dust, of course.
We had only been married a few months when John’s mother took a turn for the worst. I became her caretaker. His six sisters even found a way for me to be paid. There were sleepless nights where I honestly did not know how much more I could take. This one particular night she was having nightmares so I sat in her room with her until she drifted off into a peaceful sleep. There was a religious channel on and I was annoyed. I would rather be watching news if I had to be up at this awful hour. I sat there wondering what I had done to deserve this. A show came on and a priest was talking about caring for the elderly. “How dare you complain about taking care of an elderly person”, I got such a creepy feeling like he was actually talking to me. He went on to say that never in one’s life would you ever be so close to someone so close to heaven. I took that comment to heart and I never did complain again. I truly was blessed because I know that woman arrived in heaven. Kathleen passed away on April 4, 2008 surrounded by her children. I missed her terribly and felt guilty that I was grieving her loss. After all I had known her such a short time. My husband tried to be the strong amazing man he is for his sister’s and younger brother but he was hurting.
Faith, the dog had passed a month before. My husband and I were alone. There were no more endless visits from sisters, grand children, nieces and nephews. I now had no job so when my husband went off to work his twelve hour days I spent my days writing and looking for a job.
I was not used to quiet. I wanted to clean and paint and change everything in the house but decided to wait. I wanted to give John some time. I found a job and now I was working twelve hour days also. The pleasure of arriving home at night together was amazing. We would have a little something to eat, talk about our days and just enjoyed spending time together.
John had been active in an organization for years and on Wednesday nights he would attend a meeting. I used the time to phone my family and do girly things like color my hair.
On this one particularly rainy, cold Wednesday night I got a call from John. He asked if I would mind if he brought someone home with him. He said he was leaving the meeting and saw an elderly woman walking on the sidewalk. She was soaking wet and appeared distressed. He offered to give her a ride and she accepted. It was then he thought he recognized her. It had been maybe thirteen years before he had seen her in one the meetings. He remembered the year because it was the year John’s seventeen year old son had died and this woman had been very kind to him. It became apparent to John this poor woman was homeless and had no where to go. Of course I told him to bring her home. She was freezing so I made her a hot bath, gave her my favorite silk pajama’s and fed her. We made her comfortable on the sofa and went to bed. When I woke the next morning, there she was curled up on the sofa, clutching her plastic grocery bag full of whatever and a small very well stuffed pocketbook. I had tears in my eyes. How does this happen to some one her age, she had to be in her seventies? She had John drop her off at McDonald's and he promised her he would stop by the McDonald's after work and if she was there she could come home with him again.
She was there and came back to our house. Before long Sophie had been moved into John’s mother’s bedroom. John really felt he was doing a good thing and who could argue. I never thought she would be with us long. She had to have family somewhere. I am all for saving the world but I worked twelve hour days taking care of an elderly woman. The last thing I wanted to do when I came home was to take care of another.
I contacted our congressman, Joe Sestak and his office quickly e-mailed me a list of contacts for such a situation. I called Catholic Social Services and a sister made an appointment to come out the next day. She asked Sophie a lot of questions and said she would be in contact with me. I never heard from her again. I called COSA, our local Delaware County association for the aging. They quickly mailed me a packet of useless information. I called our local public assistance office and left a message. Three weeks later after no reply I called again. It was my day off and I was determined to get a reply so I called every ½ hour. At 3:30 pm, Sophie’s case worker finally returned my call. He said she was entitled to $15.00 a month in food stamps and was on some kind of housing list but I would have to call them directly. He also informed me he would be sending out a packet and Sophie would be entitled to more benefits, now that she had an address. I filled out the pages in the packet and sent them back. A few phone calls later Sophie still receives $15 a month in food stamps and nothing more. I decided to take her to her doctor. Maybe I could get some information there on her family or at least her health. That was a big NO because I am not a relative. They did charge me $60 for the appointment. I asked shouldn’t she be on medicare or something. Yes, the nurse informed me but I would have to go through her caseworker. I was so frustrated I basically gave up and just resigned myself to the fact that Sophie lived with us. I continued to prepare food for her before I left for work in the morning. She could not even operate the microwave without a disaster ensuing. Getting her to shower or bathe was a nightmare and a full time job on my day off. When I was home she expected to be waited on hand and foot. Yes, as my husband says this was my fault because I felt sorry for her at first. The poor woman had been walking the streets and sleeping in the woods. I asked her to do little chores for me such as loading the dishwasher with disastrous results. She had three children and sisters and brothers. We could not find them. How did this happen to her?
When I was involved in a car accident and out of work for awhile, my feeling sorry for her was quickly turning to annoyance. She sat in the recliner in our living room all day. When she asked me for a drink I told her to help herself. She never did. However when we went to bed at night she would raid the kitchen. That wasn’t so terrible but the raiding of the trash can just made my skin crawl. While cleaning my living room one day I found 3 rotten banana’s, five cups of yogurt and six cans of Pepsi stuffed into the magazine pocket of the recliner. I had a talk with her. She promised it would not happen again but it still does. I also told her she had to change her clothes daily and at least wash herself. I have to remind her every day for most of the day.
During the day when I come up to my office to write she calls me every five minutes. I feed her and five minutes later she is hungry again. She complains that she cannot walk because she was attacked on the streets and everything hurts her. I tried to explain to her she has to get up and move around or before long she really will not be able to move. She tells me I do not understand what it is like to be beaten up.
I decided I had the time while recovering from my concussion and I was going to remove a drop ceiling and paint. She complained the whole time and when she had to move out of the recliner to another side of the room you might have thought I put her out in the yard. John and I are forced to be in our bedroom just to have a conversation. We also watch television in our room because if we put something on in the living room other than the soap channel or the game show network she whines.
We recently found out her brother is in a facility for the aged very close to our home. I investigated and it seems like a nice place. I thought we would take her to visit her brother, who she swears she loves, but she refuses to go. I called the facilities social worker and explained the story to her and she referred me to admissions. Two phone calls, two messages left and I have not heard from them.
Please do not get the wrong idea. I am a kind person and so is Sophie. She does receive social security and does help us financially on occasion. The help is deeply appreciated especially with me out of work. My deepest frustration is this woman has a family. Where are they? How dare they just leave her alone to walk the streets? Yes she is a lot of work but she is not a member of my family. The words of that priest come back to haunt me daily. How dare I complain about taking care of an elderly woman who has no one else in this world to care for her? I feel so guilty for wanting to live a life alone with my husband and our children and grandchildren.
Every time I leave my house I see another Sophie out there on the street. Why was my husband there that particular night to find her? My only explanation is that it was God’s plan and not for me to question. So for the immediate future the strange woman will remain in the recliner in our living room and I will continue to care for her to the best of my ability.
That does not stop my frustration with the depth of the homeless problem everywhere. I learned awhile back that I cannot save the entire world but I can give up my recliner to one poor soul who has no one else in the world.

Friday Fragments:

2010-07-29T22:40:00.000-07:00

Well I have no idea where this week went but here we are at Friday again. Thank you to Mrs. 4444 for hosting the 105th Friday Fragments. Scroll down and you will find the link to Half Past Kissing Time so you can join us.
I like Friday's now because I used to work weekends and now I don't. Sort of makes me feel normal to be home on a Saturday and Sunday.
I do have great news; Michael was moved to another hospital; he was in a trauma center and now he is in a hospital that specializes in rehab. He was doing great for 2 days, he even stood up and he can have water and juice and a little jello. He still cannot talk because of the respirator and we thought that would come out today but he got a fever again. They hooked him up on antibiotics right away and are pretty sure it is just what is left of the pneumonia. He is able to write a bit and that is so much less frustrating than trying to read his lips.
Dominic is doing better. He still has a lot of pain; but he is healing. The summer camp had planned to take the kids to the zoo on Tuesday and the counselors came over to my daughter's house and asked if they could take Dom. She says she knows it was just a freak accident and her son nearly lost his foot but he wanted to go so she said yes. They surprised him with an electric wheel chair and when he got home declared the crutches just were not working and he needed an electric chair. We all got a kick out of that but their house is just too small, he would only be able to ride in circles.
Since the 2 accidents I have not done much writing. I am so behind. I haven't done much of anything. My house is a disaster. I can only take that for so long and then I will start cleaning like crazy. I feel one of those days coming on. I need a whole day to clean and then a whole day to write. I still have sand in my car from our vacation in June..yuk!
I received another award this week and I am very appreciative to Ciss B. from Journaling my life away.
I got an idea when I read Brandy's post from Happily Blended. It was a post about getting ready to go back to school. (It really freaks me out to even be talking about school already). Anyway; I always get my grand kids their book bags and I fill them with stuff they may or may not need. Well I think I am going to give them all note cards, pens and stamps and tell them I want them to mail me a note once a week for the whole school year. Kind of a Friday Fragments for kids. I love getting texts from the 4 year old and e-mails from the others but I really do not think they teach kids how to write letters anymore. I will let you all know how the little project goes.
Baby Peyton Elizabeth will be 2 month's old on the 1st. She is still really tiny. My daughter Jillian has been working on her room and I am planning to go see them on Sunday and of course will bring a few more things for the nursery.
I have been enjoying meeting a lot of people from Over 40 Bloggers Friday Follow and if you fit into that category you may want to scroll down and find their link too!
So how many of you watched our President on 'The View'? Just curious..

Another Award:)

2010-07-28T17:26:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much to Ciss B. from journaling my life away; this is very much appreciated. Now I must share 7 things about myself..that you may not know..so here I go:
1) I smoke and I hate it; I want to quit so badly. I do not smoke a lot, a couple a day and I hate that the stupid dirty things have control over me.
2) I believe in miracles. I have witnessed 14 babies being born and there is no one that can see the wonder of new life and not believe.
3) My husband has 6 older sisters. This can be good and it can be very, very bad!
4) I admittedly have bathroom phobia. I will hold it for hours before I will use a public restroom or pee outside.
5) I have 2 dogs. Lance and Louie; they are silky terriers and 2 little terrorists!
6) I have an 83 year old homeless woman living in my house. My husband found her on the sidewalk on a cold and rainy night 18 months ago.
7) I love blog awards. Seems silly.. I know, but I put my heart and soul into the books I have written and I try very hard to be a good blog friend, so I get all emotional when someone notices.
Now I must bestow this honor onto 15 newly discovered blogs and they must share 7 things about them selves and pass it on. So because I think you are quite versatile I pass this award onto:
1) Plain Upon Tablets (Just because I LOVE her!!)
2) A few Clowns short..Uplifting for sure..
3) Beginning a life at 50 (what could be more versatile than that)?
4) Eternal Lizdom..very smart..
5) Happily Blended..because I too am happily blended..
6) Unknown Mami..just because I LOVE her!
7) Wanna buy a duck..talk about versatile..
8) Velvet over Steel..because Coreen is versatile and so smart!
9) Dropped Stitches 72..because her comment made me teary..
10) Li-Bear-y Corner..because her comments made me smile..
11)Traci @ 38 and growing..very versatile..
12) Kathy from Edshunnybunny..because she could use a smile..
13) Kate@ Some things I think..The queen of versatile..and oh so funny!
14) Vivianne's Vista..because her comment made me smile..
15) Deanna @ Almost Perfect Woman
If you have not been to visit these folks; please do; you will not be disappointed!
Their links can be found on 'My complete profile page'
Now I must go visit all of the above..

Friday Fragments:

2010-07-23T07:35:00.000-07:00

What a difference a week can make. Last night Michael moved from ICU to Step down! He still has a long recovery ahead but this was one giant step forward and such a relief for all of us!
Little Dominic is doing well also; as well as can be expected for an 8 year old boy who is trapped on the sofa with pillows under his leg in July. He is actually going to the zoo today with his summer camp in a wheel chair. My daughter is a nervous wreck but I'm sure those counselors feel so bad about the accident they will be extra careful with him.
I feel like I have lost the whole month of July. I am expecting the release date for my book soon and I am supposed to have the second one completely finished by the time I get the date. The second book is about Michael; so I have an awful lot to add. I also have to plan a release party and although I have always dreamed of being a writer and that dream has come true I feel bad celebrating because I am realizing my dream because my brother died. Any ideas?
Do you know how tragedies and deaths bring out the worst in some people? Well Michael's step father called my husband and basically told him I did some things that I never did. I am one that avoids confrontation at all cost but I was so angry not that he lied about me but that he upset my husband at such a difficult time. Well I called him in front of my husband (on speakerphone) and made him admit he lied. It felt good to stand up for myself for a change but I am harboring resentment and having trouble forgiving him. I need to work on that. There was also someone else from my husband's family that made some ignorant comments to me. I ignored her and my husband brought it up later and told me he heard them and he was angry. I told him we should just let it go and concentrate on Michael. I am also harboring that resentment and don't know if I should forgive and forget or confront?
On a much happier note I stopped by yesterday for a quick visit with brand new grand baby Peyton and her sisters. She is still so tiny but I got a smile from her and that will get me through the week..
I had a talk with my doggies and told them why we have been gone so much and asked them to stop peeing in the house. Strangely since the 'talk' they haven't peed in the house. Do you think I could have a new career as a dog whisperer?
Friday fragments are brought to us by the famous Mrs.4444 over at half past kissing time and Follow Friday from Java at Over 40 bloggers; please scroll down and grab those links and start hopping.
I have made so many new friends this past week, I cannot help but smile!

Friday Fragments

2010-07-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

Where do I start? Michael (my stepson) was in a motorcycle accident 3 weeks ago and continues to be in critical condition in ICU. The good news is he woke up yesterday and recognizes everyone and can shake his head yes or no. Because of the ventilator he still cannot speak. Thank you to all who have sent good thoughts and prayers his way..they are working..now to just get out of ICU would really put my mind at ease!
Yesterday my family had yet another trauma; my 8 year old grandson Dominic had a 50 pound pole go through his leg..Miraculously no bones were broken and 80+ stitches later; he will be okay. He is in a lot of pain and very scared but he will be fine! I put a photo of him and Michael all the way down and while you are scrolling down there you will see the link to the wonderful Mrs.4444 who hosts Friday Fragments every week and also a link for over 40 bloggers!
While my husband and I have been occasionally going to work and spending every other second at the hospital; our 2 dogs are being terrible. They have a doggy door and our homeless lady to make sure they have food and water but they have now peed on every pair of shoes I own and all over the house. Do you think they want me to stay home? LOL!
I am so behind in my writing and blogging and am so sorry I will be back to visit all of you real soon; I promise..
My garden is growing like crazy and I have barely had 2 minutes to give it any attention..the rotten squirrels are eating my tomatoes and I do not have any time to go get anything to keep them away..maybe this weekend I can send someone..
Baby Peyton is already 6 weeks old and Adriana is walking..My sweet daughter brought her to the hospital so I could see her walk just when I needed a smile the most..

Update on Michael and from "Bristol Stomp"

2010-07-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

Last Monday night the subject of my second book, my stepson Michael, was in a motorcycle accident. The book I have been writing involves the story of Michael finding his 17 year old brother hung at the age of 15. His life spiraled out of control and through the grace of God and the love of his Mom and Dad and his large family he was brought back. In August he will be celebrating 5 years of sobriety. He is a skilled carpenter, a title holding kick boxer and a home owner. His story, to me was miraculous. This young man battled back from the darkness of hell. As I find myself spending nights in the ICU just praying and waiting for his recovery..I can not help being brought back to the story of David and my many nights in the ICU praying for his survival.
Michael will survive. It has been a week of steps forward and three steps back. He is still in critical condition and has not woken up. He is facing his 7th surgery in ten days tomorrow. Watching the man I love, my husband John, and Michael's mother's devastation is breaking my heart. I know what they are feeling. But I know in my heart God will not take another child from them.

FROM "BRISTOL STOMP"

Where would she be going this time of night? It was after midnight and Birna was backing out of her driveway. I got one of those horrible feelings. Was something wrong with the baby? I convinced myself it was something as simple as a late night snack. I pulled up beside her and rolled down my window. “David got into a fight and I have to go to the hospital and pick him up”, she said. This really confused me. David involved in a fight? David does not fight. David hates fighting. I told her I would drive her. She got into my car and I headed to Lower Bucks Hospital. Birna told me she had no idea what had happened, other than David went to band practice. I told her about my night out with the girls and she told me about a special dinner she had cooked for Dave. She told me she was getting irritated with him because he was not home yet.
When we were close to the hospital she asked me where I was going. Lower Bucks, I answered. I assumed David’s band practice was in Bristol and the hospital is in Bristol. “They took him to Frankford/Torresdale”, she told me. My stomach dropped. I felt like I could not breathe. Frankford is a trauma center; it is in Northeast Philadelphia. They only take you there, from Bristol, if you are seriously hurt and you usually go in an ambulance. I was panicking and at the same time trying to appear calm. I did not want Birna to panic. The ride to the hospital was long. I do not know how I knew where it was, I just drove. I tried to come up with conversation to keep my mind from imagining the worst. I asked her if she was sure it had been a fight. Could they have said it was an accident? Yes a car accident would make more sense. They would take him to the trauma center as a precaution. No, she said, they said it was a fight and it happened in Bristol. That was what she knew.
I walked up to the desk and told the receptionist I was there to pick up David Albert. She told me there was no patient there by that name. A wave of relief came over me. I asked Birna who had called her. I was tired, it was late and I just wanted to pick Dave up and get home. “The police”, she answered and she was quite sure they said Frankford/Torresdale. I explained this to the receptionist and asked her to please check again. The news was not good. A nurse came out and told us Dave was unresponsive; he had been beaten very badly and needed surgery immediately to relieve pressure on his brain because of a head injury. No, we could not see him. She told us to have a seat in the waiting room. I could not think in full sentences.
The word brain surgery kept rolling around in my head. This is scary, I kept thinking. It was getting really difficult to remain rational. Nothing was making sense. I needed to call somebody. Birna did not want me to call the family until we knew more. I called my daughter, Jill. I told her where we were and asked her if she would try to call the guy’s from Dave’s band and find out what happened. I also asked her to call my mother and my brothers, Frank and Nick and my sister. Brain surgery just sounded so serious and I was not sure how much longer I could keep it together. Even if it did turn out to be not so serious; I just thought they should know.
A nurse took Birna and me into another waiting room on the second floor. It was a large room and there was no one else in there. It was so quiet. Birna and I just sat there. I was afraid to speak and absolutely terrified to think. I just kept imagining the nurse coming in and saying we have stitched him up and you can take him home.
Family members started to arrive at 3:00 in the morning. We still had no idea what had happened. There were just voices and then silence and voices. I have no idea what we were talking about. It was like one of those crazy dreams where you are straining to hear what is being said but you really do not care. The surgery went on all through the night. Dave had been with Joey and Anthony, band mates, and there was a fight. That was all we knew and it made no sense what so ever.
Why is David always the one who scares me? Early in the morning, Dave was wheeled out of surgery. We were able to see him for a minute. It was awful. He was so bruised I did not recognize him. The doctor explained he had suffered several very serious head injuries. A shunt was placed in his brain to relieve pressure. He was placed in a medically induced coma. She also explained that there where many other injuries, a shattered kidney, broken bones and deep cuts. These would have to wait, she said, because the head injuries were critical. She was not optimistic. In her opinion, David would not make it. I could not believe she came right out and said that. She was old. That’s what I thought. Maybe around 64, she was totally grey and her hair was a mess. Straggly I thought. A woman brain doctor, strange I was thinking. Was she in medical school forty years ago? She must have been smart. I did not like her, not one bit. Her words echoed in my head. I was going numb. He is still alive, I just kept saying that.
I needed to know how this happened. Who did this to my baby brother and why? I knew whatever happened it had happened in Bristol. I knew Randy Morris the police detective there. When I managed the Pizza Hut Delivery I used to give him and the other cops pizzas. I called him. He had no idea Dave was in critical condition. He said there had been a fight and he
was still trying to sort out the facts. He told me he was at an arraignment and would come to the hospital when he was through. I needed to talk to Anthony and Joey. They were nowhere to be found. There was no way they did this to Dave. Or did they? They were the best of friends, they were all fathers and they always got along. They were grown-ups. I could not think of one reason they would want to beat Dave up. I did not really think that was the answer but they were the ones that were with him. And where were they now? What was I supposed to think?
I went into David’s room. We had to take turns. A machine breathed for him. Wires hanging and that awful beep, beep sound of monitors. I told him I loved him and that I would never leave him. He was covered in dry crusty blood. I wanted to wash him. The nurse said that was not a good idea right then. It was important for his brain to rest. He had pieces of glass stuck in his face and on his hands. I found that strange. Why had they not removed that glass from him? It must hurt. How did he get glass all over him? Was he in a car accident? A car accident most certainly made more sense. There had to be some confusion here.
I wanted my son. He was away, in Army boot camp. David was his best friend. My heart sank. I did not want to give him this news but I needed him. I called the Red Cross. The woman told me she would have to speak to David’s doctor. I thought, damn does she really think I would make something like this up?
I gave her the phone number for the hospital. It felt good to be thinking of something else, to be working on something. After speaking with the doctor the woman from the Red Cross told me they would indeed arrange to have Jimmy sent home. This is really bad, I thought. If they were sending Jimmy home from the Army, it is bad. I did not know what else to do. I was so tired. I thought of my job. It was still early but I thought I better call my boss. I worked in Advertising at the Bucks County Courier Times. The news paper, I thought, one of the reporters may know what happened. I would have my boss check with the news room to see if they knew what had happened. Then I remembered it was Saturday. I went back into the waiting room, sat down and closed my eyes. I wanted to go to sleep and wake up from this horrendous nightmare.
********************************
Scroll all the way down to see pictures Michael, my stepson,who is fighting for his life.

Friday Fragments x2

2010-07-03T04:28:00.000-07:00

I shopped and packed and filled my car to the brim and headed to the Jersey Shore for 7 days of beach fun and family time. It is very difficult to get all of our children and grand children together in one place for dinner let alone a week at the beach. We did it and it was chaotic; a lot of work and also the best family vacation ever! We celebrated 5 birthday's and a huge thank you to Mrs.4444's mother for the beautiful birthday song!:)
I will say I had computer withdrawal all week and have so much to catch up on.
On the way home last Saturday I drove the car with my 7 yr. old grand son Jimmy. My husband was in front of us on his Harley. We stopped to pay a bridge toll and the front tire of the Harley went flat. How lucky were we that it happened going 5 miles an hour and not 55? Very lucky indeed.
Sunday we were exhausted so we unpacked and chilled for the day watching the Phillie's game. We went to bed very early and on Monday it was back to work :(
We were still pretty wiped out Monday night so again we went to bed early.
Our phone rang at 1:00 am. When you have 5 kids and 11 grand kids a phone call at 1:00 am is never good news. Our first thought was something was wrong with brand new baby Peyton; she had been having some apnea and trouble with her breathing.
It was not the baby. It was the hospital and my 29 year old stepson, Michael had been in a motorcycle accident. They told us he was in surgery. The trauma center is 8 minutes from our house and for 8 minutes I prayed dear Lord please let him have had his helmet on. He did; Thank God. He had a deep gash on the back of his head that required staples to close. He was in surgery because he had internal bleeding from his spleen; a very damaged kidney, torn liver, bowel and just about every other organ. The surgery did not go well they could not even close him up, so they just packed him full of gauze to try to stop some of the bleeding until they could stabilize him. He also had an open fracture on his fore arm and broken ribs. He was critical and unstable. His mother was on a plane and on her way from Ohio.
This blog is about the book I wrote on the murder of my younger brother David. He died of massive head trauma.Today is his birthday, he would have been 38. Once I new Michael had no head trauma I was calm. I new he had terrible injuries but I also knew he is strong (a title holding kick boxer) and very healthy. He does not smoke or drink.
I found it very strange the faith I had that he would be okay. Head trauma kills people, everything else can be fixed, right? We, his father, mother, stepfather and I have not left him. 5 days and 5 surgeries he is still critical and has not opened his eyes. They will try surgery again on Sunday if he is stable. I must do a complete post at one point on the drama of the trauma center in Chester, Pa. In the mean time I will continue to fragment. Baby Adriana who is 13 month's was hospitalized yesterday with 105 temp. and dehydration. Hand, foot and mouth disease. What a stupid name for sores in your mouth and a fever. This was most likely caused by the scrumptious Atlantic Ocean water she swallowed and possibly a mouthful or two of sand. She will be fine but of course my daughter is very upset. I found myself so torn between driving an hour to be with my daughter or staying in the ICU with Michael. My son-in-law answered for me and said I was to stay put. This was their 3rd child and they would all be fine.
I went to work today for a short 3 hour shift to take care of someone else's old person. Her cat threw up the entire time I was there and the washer overflowed. Not quite the diversion I was looking for. I need another vacation. I need Michael to be okay.
Thank you for letting me empty my brain and thank you Mrs. 4444 for hosting Friday Fragments, scroll down for the link. Thank you also to all of my new friends at blogger's over 40. I am going to sleep now for a little bit and when I get up I am going to visit some of my favorite blogs hoping for a smile. Then I will go back to the hospital. If you are the praying type please send a few Michael's way and please all of you drive safely and have a nice 4th of July.

Favorite things...Pantry Edition..

2010-06-28T07:26:00.000-07:00

Having just returned from a most fabulous weekend at the beach with my husbands entire family as well as our own; I have to admit my pantry is quite empty. Except for of course my favorite things:
Golden Grahams Cereal-I do not drink milk so I just snack on them
Hunts Pasta Sauce(Four Cheese) in a can
Whole Grain angel hair
Betty Crocker cake mix, frosting and brownie mix
Lemon and Pepper Spice (have to have it for steak and chicken)
White albacore tuna (one can)
Arnold's whole grain protein bread (1/2 loaf yikes)
Smucker's Peanut Butter (not crunchy) and Smucker's grape jelly..
I need to go shopping..but for now I can live on these things..
Thank you Mrs. 4444 for providing this fun and easy Monday Morning blog hop; I am so sad I missed the 100th edition of Friday Fragments but I will double fragment for 101!

Friday Fragments

2010-06-17T22:04:00.000-07:00

Does any one remember Fraggle Rock? The song from that show just popped into my head and it won't go away!
I usually try to refrain from politics on my blog; usually..but the couple that crashed the White House Party did get their own Bravo reality show; that is just wrong. And this oil that is just gushing into our Gulf of Mexico..are you telling me there is no one smart enough to plug a stupid hole. This is America; okay so we did not build pyramids here but the Empire State Building was built in what a year in the 1930's? We have sent men to the moon! Plug the stupid hole already! Does anyone else realize no one is asking what caused the explosion? And why was our head of homeland security the first 'on the scene' I would have thought the head of the environment. 11 men where killed! Things do not just blow up...I believe our government has turned into a reality show..okay enough of that and please excuse me but I just had to get rid of that fragment.
So I am so excited I am finally getting really close to 100 followers; thank you to all that follow, I really appreciate you!
My daughter Jillian and brand new baby Peyton Elizabeth have settled in at home. She is a really good baby and only gets up once during the night to eat. I got to babysit once already. She slept the whole time and I just watched her sleep. Can I just tell you all that have not reached the grandmother milestone yet, there is nothing in this world more amazing than watching your babies baby sleep. If you have little ones, seriously do not blink, they grow up so fast. I do not have a new picture yet but if you scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page you can take a peek at Peyton and her cousin Adriana. You will also see the link for FF down there. Thank you Mrs.4444, you are fragtastic! How about that another new word; I also learned blog slapping this week. I hope it never happens to me because I am very sensitive..
I have a little book news this week..I did my first interview at "Say Anything" and it will be posted June 21st. I am a little bummed because I will be at the beach for a week and I am just crossing my fingers someone has a laptop so I can see it. Of course I am happy to be going to the beach for a week with 200 other family members I am sure I will come back well rested (yeah ok; maybe not). I also promise to learn how to put links and photo's in posts. I am just way to fragmented this week to learn anything. My button thingy nearly fried me! My husband and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary yesterday. We have been through so much in 3 years. If you want to read the amazing story of how we came together check out the next post down.
We never did find anyone to stay with our homeless lady and the little dogs but 2 neighbors and my son's friend said they will check on them every day. Should I be nervous? I'm not I wrote like 30 lists for each of them. I feel so much better now thank you all for letting me vent and Happy Weekend! Don't forget to scroll down and look and the princesses.....Your next..

I just wanted to say this again..Happy Anniversary John..

2010-06-16T22:47:00.000-07:00

Just a few years ago, I did not believe in anything anymore. I was hanging on to faith by a thread, a very thin thread. I was pretending to have fun. I joined some dating sights and was dating a lot. I was pretending to be writing a book. Typing a few thoughts and sentences each night. Inside though; I was wallowing in self pity. I was fighting a fight for justice and I was losing. I hate to lose! Then this photo popped up in my in box. The guy was wearing a tank top (yeah, one of those wife beater ones) and he was leaning against a motorcycle. My first thought was "oh Lord". He sold cars for a living. Ugh! I was distracted for a few moments and when I got back to my computer the photo was still there. Usually the screen saving fish would have appeared. I wondered what happened to them. There was this man looking at me. His eyes were talking to me. I answered his e-mail. Our first meeting was like most first on line dating meetings. We met at a restaurant. I was not uncomfortable the way I was on most of these 'first meetings'. There were those annoying red flags that I swore to myself I would listen too. He was a recovering alcoholic. Huge red flag. 16 years sober; the flag faded. After finishing our conversation and our chicken salads, he asked me to go to the beach with him. I scared myself and agreed. I still have no idea how that okay just popped out of my mouth. He had a stuffed Winnie the Pooh on his dashboard. I love Pooh. From the moment I entered his truck I had the strangest feeling. Not an ut-oh you are about to be axe murdered feeling; more like an out of body experience. The songs softly coming from the radio were every one of my sentimental favorites. I never talked about my brother's murder on a date. Especially on a first date. This man started telling me how he lost his seventeen year old son. Then he mentioned the date his son died. I gave him what I am sure was the strangest look. My brother died on the same date. We arrived at the beach. It was totally deserted. We sat there talking, I told him about David. It seems silly but I swear I had never seen so many stars in the sky in my life. I should have been freezing. I'm always cold. Conversation continued; his father's name was Francis John. My father's name is Francis John. They both lived in the same town in Florida. We both had sisters named Dee. He told me we were sitting were he scattered his son's ashes. At that moment fireworks filled the sky. We had no idea where they came from as the town was literally deserted. Yes it started with him sending me an e-mail and me answering. What happened from that moment on I believe was a force much greater than the two of us. Some force decided two lost, sad souls needed to find one another. Thirteen months later I married that man on the very spot on the beach where we had our first date. There are no coincidences in God's world. I believe in fate.

More from Bristol Stomp...Grief?

2010-06-14T16:34:00.000-07:00

David’s birthday was July 3rd. My mother wanted to have a birthday party for him. I thought that was really weird. We all showed up anyway and it was really weird. Was I the only one bothered by having a birthday party for a dead person? I guess we do celebrate the birthdays of a lot of dead people. We celebrate President’s Day, Martin Luther King Day and of course let’s not forget Jesus.
I remembered learning in psychology class that everybody handles grief differently. I did not want to handle grief I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare and have David here with us.
I started to feel very disconnected from my family. Not from my kids but from my mother, sister and brothers. I wondered why. Had I done something wrong? On the other hand maybe it was because I was doing nothing. I just slept. I wanted to see a ghost. I wanted Dave to be in my dreams and I wanted him talking to me. Just like on that day after the funeral when he tickled my toes and asked me to get up and make coffee. I wanted him to tell me what actually happened and why. I believed in ghosts and angels and thought because I believed I would see.
Jimmy Galione was out on bail. I hoped I would not run into him. I was so confused because I thought if you were charged with murder there was no bail. I had a lot to learn about our justice system. I kept wondering when the others would be charged. Randy just kept saying be patient. I had no other choice, so I trusted him.
I woke up one morning and dreaded the thought of getting out of bed. That was everyday, but this day I felt so heavy. I realized it was Saturday. Saturday was always the day I slept late. I laid there in my bed for a long time, thinking. I thought about my family. What was going to happen to us? Would we ever be close again? How in the world will we ever get past this horror? I wanted a cup of tea so I forced myself to get up. I made it half way down the steps and sat down. I heard voices. It was my kids. They were talking about me and wondering what they could do for me. What could they do to help me get through the loss of my brother? I heard Jill saying she could not even imagine losing her brother. I started to cry. I always thought I was a good mother. Really I was a fake. Oh I loved them so much it hurt. But I could have done so much more for them.
Maybe I should have worked things out with their father and stayed with him. I should have sacrificed my happiness for theirs. I had been in relationships that were not always healthy. That was not a good example. My financial situation was always up and down. Sometimes I did really well and at other times we were down right poor. Every thing I ever wanted to be for them I was not. Now here I was sitting on a step feeling so sorry for myself I could not even function. They were so young to have something this horrific happen in their lives. They still had their grandmother, grandfather and great-grandmother. This was the first time they ever had to face death.
I felt so guilty. I should be there for them. I sat on that step and decided that I would pull myself together and some how, I would be a role model for these kids. I would find some way to make something good come out of this horror. I had no idea what I would do but I would figure something out. I went back upstairs and took a shower. I did not cry but I thought I would just wash all the sorrow off and let it go down the drain. I talked to God. This is a very bad thing that happened. I’m not angry with you, but I would like to understand. I asked God to help me. My kids were still here. I had Birna and baby Michael. I thanked God for them. I needed to think about my grand babies Allyson and Kyle.
I never thought about being angry with God and I found that strange. I was angry with the murderers. I wondered why I was not angry with God. That I would figure out some other day; not today.

Friday Fragments:

2010-06-10T21:21:00.000-07:00

Thank you Mrs.4444 for hosting Friday Fragments. And thank you for the awesome go girl and the book; both will be heading to the beach with me next week..
Yes next Saturday we head to the beach along with my husbands 6 sisters, one brother and all of their spouses, kids and grand kids as well as our own kids, their spouses and grand kids. It is not really a vacation it is a lot of work. Okay there is a lot of fun involved too. And who can complain about laying on the beach everyday with a good book or catching up with family. The smiles on the little ones faces make it all worth while.
The homeless lady and dog sitter we have had lined up since February bailed out yesterday. So now I have to find someone to watch a crazy old lady and 2 spoiled little doggies, and work the entire week. My sister-in-law from Florida arrives with her 15 yr. old daughter on Friday. They stay with us for 6 weeks. I am really looking forward to seeing them!
I actually did some writing this week; very little but I did some. Tomorrow I work taking care of 2 other people's old people then head off to grand daughter Allyson's (14)1st Softball playoff game; and after the game back to her house for her 7 year old brother Dominic's 8th birthday. This will be brand new baby Peyton's first family get together she is one week and one day old. I babysat her the other day and she slept the whole time. I enjoyed just watching her sleep. If you scroll all the way down you will find Mrs. 4444's link and a little further and you can take a peek at Adriana's first birthday and Peyton. I promise to have new pictures up next week; I need a new camera card!
I hope you all have a great weekend and a powerful and positive week. God Bless you all!

From the book "Bristol Stomp" It is all about me..

2010-06-07T13:48:00.000-07:00

I was still involved in such an unhealthy relationship. After I counted all the horrible things I had done in my life and all the awful things that happened to me, I would try to plan my escape. How could I do it with the least amount of confrontation and angst?
Yeah it was pretty obvious I was a nut case. Now I had this traumatic stress thing too. I wasn’t the only one suffering with this illness or disorder. Most of my family had the thing too. If someone slammed a door I jumped out of my skin. If a car followed me too closely I had to pull over. It was such a release to talk about these episodes in my homicide survivors group. I was also educating myself on the disorder and working on getting it under control. I did not want to be on medication for one minute longer than I had to be.
Towards the end of the summer my symptoms started to lesson. Unfortunately as my mental symptoms became more infrequent my physical ones seemed to be getting worse. I decided I needed to take better care of myself. I bought vitamins that were supposed to help with energy. I took vitamin C and E. I bought calcium supplements. They were like chocolate, caramel candy so I enjoyed taking them. I became obsessive about washing my hands. Germs were the enemy. I was so tired of the sinus infections. Two weeks after starting my new health regime I got sick to my stomach. I had pains in my sides. I took some Advil and went to bed. When I got up in the morning I had a rash all over my body. My throat and chest felt like it was on fire. My face was swollen and I had a fever. I was admitted to St. Mary’s Hospital.
After six days on IV liquids and antibiotics I finally got a diagnosis. The rash was caused by a turtle virus. I had recently bought my grand daughter Allyson a turtle and had helped her clean the cage. The virus had a very long name but apparently there is no cure for it other than antibiotics and cream for the rash. I would have it for life. It could remain dormant for years or become chronic. Great I thought, now I am scared to death of turtles.
The burning pain in my throat and stomach was caused by an allergic reaction to those calcium supplements I loved so much. They were made with shellfish, which I am very allergic too. My intestines had been burned so badly I was unable to eat for two weeks. Those Burger King commercials were killing me. I was starving. They also told me my appendix was slightly swollen and I had diverticulitis. I remained in the hospital for another week. The whole experience was scary but honestly I was relieved that there was a physical cause and not a mental one.
By early September I was feeling so much better, mentally and physically. I tried to enjoy my job again and spent as much time as possible with the kids. My counseling was going really well and I actually felt like I was helping the newer members of the group. I continued my classes because there was no doubt in my mind I wanted to help victims and survivors. I wanted to become a counselor.

Then it all came crashing down again…9/11 happened. I went in to the paper really early that morning with plans of catching up on some work. A friend called and asked if I had heard a plane crashed into the World Trade Center. She knew I had a friend that worked in the building. My partner had arrived, so together we walked down to the newsroom and there it was on all the televisions. When the second plane hit, we thought it was a re-play of the first. Having a father that worked in the airline business I knew immediately it was not an accident. No pilot would crash into a building. There was too much water close by.
I went back to my little cubby office and then heard the pentagon had been hit. Now I was terrified. My partner and I went out back to smoke a cigarette and watched five military jets wiz by. Our building was located right on the Delaware River and they were headed north, to New York we imagined. I had to get out of that building. I decided I would try to salvage the day and visit some clients. Glenn Beck was on the radio in my car. Sometimes I listened to talk radio other times music. Today was a news day. The more I listened the sadder I felt. Every client I visited was glued to their televisions, just stunned. I called all of my kids, I just had a need to know they were safe. I went home and lied on the sofa and watched the news all night. It was just one horror story after another.
Of course it was all about me. I had lost a brother to murder. I had an awful childhood, just a horrible life all together and now this. Now our whole country was being threatened by terrorists. All of my hard work in therapy was going down with those buildings. I wanted to crawl back into my dark hole. I felt sick again.
As I continued to watch through the night all of a sudden it wasn’t about me anymore. I watched the faces of strangers not knowing whether their loved ones had survived. The thought of all those mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters and friends that lost their loved ones that day was overwhelming. Would they end up like me, afraid of their own shadows and physically sick? I prayed for them and I cried for them.

Friday Fragments

2010-06-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

TGIF..what a long week..
On Saturday I attended the 1st birthday party of my 10th grand child Adriana Jean. Just a small gathering of 100 or so of her family and friends after the party I took 4 grand daughters home with me; we made a campfire, had hot dogs, smores and told scary stories. On Sunday they washed my car and the oldest cut the grass.
On Tuesday after a long emotional day at 4:28pm Peyton Elizabeth made her entrance into the world. 5lbs 11 oz and 18in long. She is perfectly healthy and so is her Mom. Great big hugs and thanks you's to all of you who thought of us and sent prayers our way. She is gorgeous and perfect. (and very loud for a tiny thing). Scroll all the way down to get a peek at her and Adriana! The rest of my week was very fragmented..grandson's baseball game(they won) grand daughters softball game they won 11-10 and ended their season undefeated (of course the playoffs will mess with at week at the shore)hospital visits to snuggle and bond with Peyton.(Heavenly) Other than that having Peyton's 4 year old sister in tow all week I did not get much writing done so I will have to catch up. Now I am off to spirit day at 7 year old grand daughters school (she is also Peyton's big sister).
The funniest thing this week..Avery the 4 year old when we were leaving the hospital the second day she said "Mom-Mom I am so so happy my sister had some close on today" Boy was it tough explaining the whole birthday suit concept! Have a positive and powerful week everyone. And thank you again Mrs. 4444. Scroll down for her link.

A very Sunny Day..

2010-06-02T21:44:00.000-07:00

Not only did I receive the blessing of a brand new baby grand daughter I also received my first ever blogger award!! Thank you so much to Cleo from wemmicks-in-training.blogspot.com (for the link to this very sunny blog click on "view my complete profile" and scroll down)
So 5 things that bring me sunshine:
1) Gods Miracles (I have witnessed many)
2) My entire family and wonderful husband
3) Baby shoes (the really tiny ones and the feet that wear them)
4) Positive people
5) The beach with family
I would like to pass the award onto these people who have made me smile:
-Kelly Wantach@Lyrical Woodshedding (because her blog is full of sunshine's rewards)
-Judith Van Praag@Hope filled Jars (because I would not survive without hope)
-Joni@ One Voice Write Right (Because she inspires me)
-Alaine@Queen of Happy Endings (because she suffered a terrible loss and still believes in Happy Endings)
-Elaine @Blooming in Midlife (because I understand blooming in midlife)
*For the links to meet these amazing ladies click on "view my complete profile" and scroll down; you will be happy you took the time!
*For you winners post 5 things that bring you sunshine and pass the award on to 5 others!

Welcome to the world..

2010-06-02T08:40:00.000-07:00

On June 1, 2010 at 4:28 pm my 11th grand child was born! Another addition to our baby parade. I have not held her yet; she wasn't warm enough. I am hoping to go see her in a little bit and snuggle her for a long time.
Thank you everyone for your prayers and good thoughts, they worked as she weighs 5lbs 11oz. and is healthy. She is also very loud; good lungs.
My daughter Jillian is a bit sore from the c-section but will hopefully be feeling much better in a few days. I'd like to snuggle with her too but I better not!
I don't know how to put pictures in posts so if you scroll all the way to the bottom of the page you can take a peek at Peyton Elizabeth!

Friday Fragments

2010-05-28T07:50:00.000-07:00

It has been a long week! I am supposed to be reporting here the birth of my 11th grand daughter but last night we found out her c section has been postponed until Tuesday. The reason, it is a holiday weekend and "some of the specialist needed were not available". So first of all I am even more worried then I already was but I have to put my faith in these professionals and I am reminded I am not in charge and everything happens for a reason.
I have recovered from my neck invasion of epidural and steroid shots but still have a pain in my neck and arm..so we will see what that leads to.
My patient Jayne is still in the hospital with diabetes complications and pneumonia and seems to be doing a bit better. I did not have any other patients go into a coma this week, but yesterday I simply had to take a man to the hospital for a doctor appointment and as we walked in the front door of the hospital and I asked to borrow a wheel chair(he has parkinson's and walks with a cane)he fell down. We spent 4 hours in the ER and they admitted him. I then had to take a 101 year old woman to a dentist appointment. I was a nervous wreck. I pick her up and she is a trip, so funny. We get to the dentist office and it is in a big old house with lots of steps. Luckily a gentleman was just leaving and he and I ushered Clementine up the steps. When I dropped her back off at 'the home' I was relieved to say the least.
I have no new book news to report today other than the publication date for "Bristol Stomp" will be announced very soon and I am excited about that. I have 2 other books started and will begin the outline on a 4th sometime next week.
I may have figured out the button thing for my blog; but I'm not sure someone will have to try to grab it and let me know if I succeeded if not I am determined to get it right!
A huge thank you to Mrs.4444's for hosting FF and if you have not checked out her gratitude contest yet be sure to do that(but I am going to win)!
Have a safe Memorial Day Weekend my friends and do not forget the reason for the day. Be sure to thank a soldier!
And I want to thank all of my followers and give you all a great big virtual hug!

From "Bristol Stomp" The beginning of the baby parade..

2010-05-24T08:49:00.000-07:00

In April I was asked to do another poem for NOVA’s ecumenical service. I wanted my poem, this year to be a little more positive, empowering.
There were so many people there that had lost loved ones on 9/11. My heart was breaking for them. Would they ever have justice? Would they ever have the answers they desperately needed?
It was also the third anniversary of David’s death. Although I focused on staying positive, I allowed myself to miss him. I had an overwhelming desire to make him proud of me. I also wanted my kids to see me smile again.
When I would make a negative comment about the sentences, or other arrests being made there were actually people that would say to me, when are you going to get over that? I did not let these comments anger me. I had every right to feel sad, when I was sad. I had every right to miss my brother. I had every right to be angry with a system that was more interested in good percentages and winning elections than it was about protecting people. I was just determined to take my anger and turn it into positive energy. Anger had been like a heavy bundle of bricks hung around my neck. It was so heavy, I could not accomplish anything. Do not get me wrong, I did not suddenly turn into little miss sunshine, I was still angry. I just did not let it control me.
On June 10, 2002, Dominic Angelo Nocito III was born. He struggled to breathe. He had some fluid in his lungs. After a few scary hours he was fine. The nurses in the nursery at Lower Bucks Hospital assured me it was a common problem with babies born via c-section. He also developed jaundice. Joan had it and so did Allyson. At least I knew what that was. It was still awful seeing the tiny little guy under those lights with his eyes covered.
When I finally was allowed to hold him for the first time I was overcome with an empowering feeling of hope. My family had a future and I was holding it in my arms.
Allyson was so excited to be a big sister. She was so protective and actually very bossy over who could hold her brother and when. It was adorable and annoying at the same time.
When a photographer I recognized from The Bucks County Courier Times, showed up at the hospital nursery, I was surprised. When I asked him why they were doing a story on our little one, he told me to do the math. It was nine months since 9/11. Apparently, many babies were expected to be born that week. The tragedy that struck our country brought people together. Everyone just wanted to love each other. To hold on to who and what they had. Yes, that baby boy’s eyes gave me a lot of hope.
In September I learned my son and his wife were expecting. I was ecstatic and honestly overwhelmed. I was having another grand child every six months.
I sat on the front porch with Allyson and asked her, Allyson how did I ever get this lucky to be having so many babies coming into our family? She thought for a minute then looked up at me and said, Mom-Mom, Uncle David knows how much you love babies. He is just going to keep on sending them down from heaven so you don’t have time to be sad anymore. I looked up at the sky and just at that moment there was a beautiful rainbow. I cried and smiled. How is it possible for a seven year old to know the exact thing to say to make me believe? She amazed me.
After a long night of labor and an emergency c section on December 17, 2002, Morgan Layla Timm was born. I was only able to see her for a moment as they were rushing her into the Intensive Care Nursery. She looked so tiny. I noticed a small patch of strawberry blonde hair and chubby little cheeks. Because Jill developed a fever during labor the baby had an infection.
Jill was released after five days and I will never forget going onto the elevator with her to take her home. It hit both of us as the elevator door closed that we were going home without the baby. I will never forget the pain in my own baby girl’s eyes that day. I wanted to fix it for her but there was nothing I could do.
Of course I thought about that awful time when Jill may not have been born. What had I been thinking? Every day I thank God for intervening that day. I prayed to Mary, the blessed Mother, I thanked her for my beautiful daughter and asked her to watch over Morgan and Jill.
After a very frightening seven days, Morgan came home to join our family on Christmas Eve. I believed God only gives you as much as you can handle. It would have been unbearable to celebrate Christmas without our little peach.

Friday Fragments:

2010-05-21T11:14:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday Fragments everyone. As usual my life never seems to have a dull moment. Those of you that know; I was in a accident back in September and have been struggling with post concussion syndrome, pinched nerves, herniated disks (4)and a torn rotator. I went yesterday for epidural and steroid injections in my neck and shoulder. I'm here so all went well although if I end up not making any sense it is because of the good drugs!
Also if you know me you know that I recently returned to my job of providing home care for the elderly. My newest client is a severe diabetic and needs someone to just keep her on track med wise and keep her company. I have bonded with her very quickly. Yesterday I was with her from 10am to 1pm and then was scheduled for my procedure at 2. At 11:30 My sweet Jayne went into a diabetic coma. She is in intensive care and I was late for my procedure. Please say a prayer for her.
Good news: I will be getting the release date for my book very soon and I am so nervous in both a positive and negative way. I need to be healthy because I was told this is were the real work comes in. No more sitting at the computer in jammies; I must be ready to put the rubber to the road!
More good news: New grand baby Peyton Elizabeth will make her grand entrance on the morning of May 28th via c-section which is the day before her cousin Adriana Jean turns one. Please say a little prayer for Peyton and my daughter Jillian. It has been a rough 7 and a 1/2 months and I cannot wait to meet her.
My husband is the ultimate mans, man and he is having a lot of trouble dealing with not being able to "fix" me. We are so in love and I feel so sad seeing him feeling so helpless.
Thank you Mrs.4444's for hosting Friday Fragments and I hope you will all scroll down to the link and join in!
I am still having trouble with creating my button but I am determined to get it as soon as the drug clouds leave my head.
I hope you all have a powerful and Positive week!

Rainy days make me smile..

2010-05-18T13:44:00.000-07:00

David always loved rainy days because he was a mason contractor by day and if it rained he had the day off. He loved to spend the day writing music and playing his guitar. One night he taught Allyson how to do a rain dance. Imagine her 3 year old delight when she woke up the next morning to an actual rainy day!
It has really been bothering me lately that we have had so many new additions to our family since David's death. Bothering me in a way as to what do we tell these "new" kids about Dave. They are getting older, they see his picture's and they hear us "mention" him and they ask questions. They are still too young to hear the graphic details. Allyson is now 14 going on 40 and she has very vivid memories of her Uncle. But the little ones they have no clue who this man was. This was one of the reasons I wrote the book. When they are old enough they will be able to read all about their Uncle Dave and who he was, not just "how" he died.
It is raining today and I am smiling and allowing myself to remember the good memories. I just cannot help being just a little angry and a lot sad that David will not be here as we prepare to welcome our newest family member; Peyton Elizabeth who will arrive via C-Section on May 28th. He would have loved the fact that she is being named after an awesome quarterback (not an Eagle) but awesome none the less.
I am overwhelmed by the number of virtual friends I am making and like the title of my blog..They say everyone has a story; everyone does. I am reading some of the saddest stories and some of the most glorious and my favorite the most hysterically funny stories. My sad little blog is growing up and has been getting a lot of followers lately. I cannot tell you how much this warms my heart. I thank Mrs.4444's at "halfpasskissintime" for a lot of my new friends, if you have a chance to visit her the link is down below. She is amazing and is actually having a contest so you will be happy you made the visit. Also all of my new friends at "She Writes" what a great space for us writer's to feel at home. Okay enough rambling for a rainy Tuesday. I wish you all a positive and productive week!

Friday Fragments

2010-05-14T12:28:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe it is Friday again already!
I went back to work last week after being off for 6 month's because of injuries
from an auto accident. Everything went well and I am thrilled to be back to work.
I went yesterday for trigger point injections in my neck and would not suggest this for anyone as I am in agony today. Next Thursday they will do an epidural. If I'm not here next Friday you will know it is because I cannot type!
Today is my Mother-in-law's birthday. She passed away 2 years ago and I miss her.
I am really excited that my newest grand daughter (Payton Elizabeth) will be arriving very soon. My grand daughter Adriana will be a year old on the 29th of May, I cannot believe it has been a year. Adriana's older sister Allyson (the first) is 14. Shortly after my brother's murder 2 of my daughter's and my daughter in law where pregnant at the same time. I was happy and overwhelmed. I said to Allyson who was 6 at time "What have I done to be so lucky to be having all these babies"? Allyson thought for a minute and then said "Mom-Mom; Uncle David knows how much you love babies and he is just going to keep sending them to you from heaven so you won't be sad anymore" I believed her.
Happy Friday everyone and the link is down below just scroll on down!

"Bristol Stomp" more from the sentencing..

2010-05-11T11:21:00.000-07:00

My family just gasped. They were going to prison but for only 5 and 8 years!
The moans and crying from their families was over dramatic and very annoying. How dare they? I remember Angela Galione screaming, “Why are they doing this to him”. I really wanted to punch her in her stupid face. Was she really that stupid? Why could she not see her brother for the murderer he was?
Jerry Reeves little brother was crying, “Oh Jerry”. I did feel sorry for him he was just a little kid. I hoped he would learn from this and not follow in his brothers shoes. I hoped his family would teach him right from wrong.
My first question for the court advocates was how long would they actually spend in prison. They said we would talk about it later.
I was in shock. What was Judge Heckler thinking? Five years, eight years, for murder! I felt like he was slapping the jury that had worked so hard in the face. Is that all he felt Dave’s life was worth? I was so hurt. I felt so let down by him. I had admired him through this whole process. I felt he ignored the jury’s findings and went with his own. This was a murder verdict. Did he think David deserved this? Was it possible he believed David started the fight? Did he not hear the testimony? David was just driving home. Galione and Reeves were out looking for someone to ‘mess up’ that night. David, Joey and Anthony did everything they could do to avoid the first fight and then they were ambushed and ran for their lives when the second altercation began. If Heckler felt this was a mutual fight he was wrong. He was very wrong. I was just so devastated.
The only good thing that happened that day was we did get to see them led off again in handcuffs and shackles. They had to listen to their families and the pain they had caused them. I doubted they gave my family or David one thought. I doubted they even grasped the idea of how much damage they had done. Did they even realize they were going to hell? They were probably both just feeling sorry for themselves. I hoped they were scared to death about where they were headed. I hoped they feared for their lives.

Friday Fragments

2010-05-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

It has been one crazy week for me!
I have gone back to work at my day job after being off for 6 months with a
very pesky concussion, torn rotator cuff and pinched nerves in my neck.
I am anxiously awaiting the date for my brand new grand daughter's arrival (she will arrive via c-section)
I cannot concentrate on my next book..so I'm making that one #3 and #3 will be #2
Happy Friday Everyone!

I made it through April...

2010-05-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

The anniversary of David's death has come and gone. The memorial service was as usual emotional. I cannot believe it has been 11 years but I say that every year. What made this April even harder to bare was the fact that one of the murderers is now off of parole. Free to roam the streets and spew his venom on my family and anyone else he chooses too. I catch myself wishing he would hurt someone else so he would have to go back to prison. Of course I honestly would never wish that kind of pain on any other family so why does the thought creep into my head? I have dreams of really horrible things happening to him and his family; specifically his sister who never misses an opportunity to say hurtful things to us and brazenly stays wherever we are be it a party or a store or a bar. Also another of the murderers is now out of prison. He is still on parole but that has not stopped 'the sightings' of him. And of course 11 years later none of the others involved in beating my brother to death have been charged with anything.
To throw more salt on my wounds the evil district attorney who would not charge the others is now a judge and the trial judge who handed out the worst sentences for murder I have ever heard of and still 11 years later cannot believe it happened; well that judge is now the district attorney. Can I get a break here? Seriously I have waited all these years for her to be gone. I prayed for a district attorney that would work on the still open case. It is just such a blow to my faith and hope but I will never give up fighting for justice.
As far as the book goes. I am in limbo. Pre-production. I am told this is the best time to really work on my next two works in progress. I am trying to do that. I am writing at least 2 hours every day some days more some days less. I am having a little trouble concentrating. I have so much to look forward too. A brand new grand daughter coming very soon and the release of "Bristol Stomp". But I am still stuck in this how can I be so sad and so happy at the same time phase. I need some good news, yes good news would help.

From "Bristol Stomp" ....The Sentencing..

2010-04-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

Driving to the courthouse that day was surreal. I could not believe it was March 17, 2000. It was Saint Patrick’s Day. Hopefully that meant the day would be lucky. I guess that is not the right thought. What I wanted had nothing to do with luck and everything to do with justice.
David died in April. It was nearly a year. I had trouble comprehending it had almost been a year. Little Michael will be turning two at the end of this month. I thought about Michael’s first birthday. That was the last time our entire family was together, happy. I remembered Dave’s smile that day as he proudly held his son. The tears started.
I had to pull over. I had to pull myself together. I wanted to do an effective job reading my impact statement. The prosecutor told us this was our day in court. We did not have to cry quietly. We were not going to be told where we could look and where we couldn’t. Our day in court, yes this was important. I had to get myself together.
I pulled down my visor mirror and did my best to repair my running makeup. Shortly I would witness once again the two scumbags being led off to prison in shackles. This time they would be going off to prison for at least twenty five years. That thought gave me peace. Not happiness, just peace. And of course there was satisfaction in the sight. I could not help that feeling. The thought of the two of them being thrown into little cells with little windows, alone, God forgive me but that was satisfying. I felt better, stronger so I pulled back onto the road.
As I saw the huge round building, I thought about how out of place it looked in this old town. It was too modern. I wondered who designed the ugly building. Maybe ugly isn’t fair, it didn’t fit the landscape of historic Doylestown. Supposedly the courthouse was built here because Doylestown was the center of Bucks County. I wondered what it looked like from the air. It probably looked like a big round ugly dot right there in the center of Bucks County.
I loved the quaint little town. The shops, the old Victorian homes, galleries, the restaurants and of course the bars and churches that reminded me of Bristol. The people that lived in this town, a lot of them were stuck up. They thought their town was so much better than Bristol. They thought they were better. But they did not have the Delaware River and I doubted this town could even come close to the real small town feel of Bristol.

I parked, and started my long walk around the ugly round building. It was windy and as usual I was freezing. I wished bad karma on the idiot that locked the doors closest to the parking lot and the cheap morons that did not install security at both entrances. Things would have moved so much quicker and smoother. The security lines were always too long.
If I was in charge, what a thought that was. There would of course be two entrances. I would also provide some kind of safe haven area for victims and their families. The way it is now, throwing everyone together like cattle was ridiculous. It was also very dangerous.
There was talk of tearing this courthouse down and building a new one. I hoped whoever designed the new building would be a little more compassionate towards victims.
Once again, there were many sheriffs in the hallway leading to the courtroom. I was surprised once again at the large crowd. I scanned around looking for my family. I did not feel safe with so many people gathered in such a small area. I saw my friend Sam the policeman who was now a county sheriff. I would have to remember to wish him a happy Saint Pat’s Day. I knew it was one of his favorites. I missed seeing him in his patrol car in Bristol. He had been there for so long.
I had barely arrived when I was bombarded by my family with the news that Galione and Reeves also had the right to have people speak on their behalf. I was livid. We should have known. It would have changed the way we prepared. We would have had more letters written, we would have asked more friends and relatives to be here for us. I tried so hard not to cry. Damn, I did not want to have to fix my make-up again. I wanted to appear confident and in control.
I was truly shocked to see that Nicole Rivera, Jerry Reeves, girlfriend brought their baby to court. This poor baby had been born with no arms or legs. I felt they were using the baby for sympathy. From what I had heard Jerry had never been there for Nicole or the baby. I did feel sorry for Nicole and hoped she would have the common sense to move on with her life and find some happiness. I hoped her family would be there to support her. For Galione’s girlfriend, Janine, I wished misery for her. She washed David’s blood off Galione’s clothes and lied under oath. I knew she would not stick around and wait for her man. She was too selfish.
I was not prepared for the friends and family of the defendant’s to be given the opportunity to speak. It was sheer torture sitting there listening to how wonderful these two young men were. They were murderers. It was ridiculous. Galione presented the judge with seventy letters of support. Galione’s parents enlisted their friends to speak on their son’s behalf saying, “he has always been so polite”. I was going to be sick again. The judge even commented as to how disturbing it was to that so many of the letters claimed Galione was innocent. The parade of aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters and teachers seemed to go on forever.
When it was finally my turn to speak I walked to the front of the courtroom and faced the judge. I got through my letter. Tears stung in my eyes but I fought them off. I did the best I could. When I finished, Mel Kardos asked permission to question me. That had not happened to anybody else all day. I looked at Matt and he shook his head yes. The judge granted the permission. I was shaking. He asked me where I worked. I was stunned. What was his point? I told the judge I was scared to say where I worked. I did not want any of them; to know where I worked. I knew Kardos wanted me to say I worked at The Bucks County Courier Times. He was going to say I had something to do with the press coverage of this case. It was ridiculous, I was lucky if I got a pen in that building let alone the power to drive the news. I turned to Kardos, smiled sarcastically and answered I worked for a company called GPN. He was clearly, annoyed that he did not get the answer he wanted. It was the truth. GPN was Greater Philadelphia Newspapers, I did not lie. That was what was on my paychecks.
I nervously looked over at Laurie Mason, she is the writer for The Bucks County Courier Times, that covers all trials and court related events. She even has her own little office in the basement of the courthouse. I thought that was so cool. She smiled. I ran up to her as soon as it was over and asked her if I lied. She laughed, and said no. She said it was amazing that I came up with the perfect truthful answer.
I found out later from the prosecutor and the reporters that they had never, ever, heard someone questioned after giving an impact statement. It was another excuse to hate Mel Kardos. What an arrogant sob he is!

The Trial

2010-04-23T18:11:00.000-07:00

It was a cold morning. I had to stop at work before heading to the courthouse. I hate the cold. It would be such a long walk from the parking lot to the courthouse. Opening statements would happen this morning. I was a nervous wreck. I thought about all of the work I would be missing again.
The courtroom was crowded. My whole family was there. I saw our court advocates right away and felt better. I expected a lot of media, my family and friends to be there. What I had not expected, was the large group of people there to support Galione and Reeves. This really surprised me. I really didn’t expect the attitudes they had towards us. The nasty looks and comments hurt. I would have expected some shred of compassion. This was hard enough and now we had to deal with them.
I noticed right away a life size photo of Dave at the front of the courtroom. I had not expected that but it made me feel like he was there.
In his opening statement, Matt Weintraub said he would put witnesses on the stand that would testify that David, Joey and Anthony were so terrified they tried to flee. They banged on doors begging for help. Neighbors would testify that David was pleading for his life, screaming, don’t kill me I have a kid. This is a case of senseless violence, Matt said. It was chilling. I watched the juror’s faces as Matt was speaking. I was glad they seemed to be paying attention. Matt was impressive.
Jerry Reeves’ attorney was Peter Hall. He was a public defender. He was kind of dumpy looking but seemed professional. He seemed annoyed by Matt’s opening statement. Mel Kardos’ on the other hand seemed fidgety. He was shrugging his shoulders and rolling his eyes. Perhaps I just did not like him. I know I did not like him. I could not help thinking he should have just told his client to tell the truth. To say yes I hit him in the head many, many times with the claw end of the hammer, I am very sorry but I am guilty. I may have felt differently. I may not have.
Jimmy Galione looked ridiculous. He was dressed in dark blue pants, a dress shirt and a dark blue sweater vest. They were trying to make him look like an innocent little Catholic school boy but he was so tall it just looked hideous. He did not look sorry. He looked like a liar. He occasionally turned around and smiled at one of his family members. I wanted to puke.
Jerry Reeves looked uncomfortable. He kept his head down most of the time, especially when Matt was speaking. At least he looked guilty.
Let me tell you it takes a lot of self control to be in this position. I love my country. I do believe in our justice system but there is a lot that could be improved. Sitting in a court room full of the killer's supporters is inhumane. There has to be a better way. I tried so hard to ignore them; but they made it impossible.

When was the first time you truly felt like a grown-up?

2010-04-10T19:20:00.000-07:00

I woke up and felt like I couldn't breathe. My throat was so dry. I had to get up. I sat up and put my feet on the floor. I had trouble seeing. I could not tell if it was night or day; the air just looked and felt thick and foggy. I made my way down the hall and to the top of the stairs.I heard voices. I made it half way down and had to stop and rest. I sat on the step. I could hear the voices clearly now. It was the voices of my kid's and they were crying. They were trying to figure out what they could do to help me. My chest hurt; I was panicking. I ran back up the stairs and into the bathroom. I couldn't face them. I turned on the hot water and climbed into the shower. I wanted to feel something, anything but the sorrow that was consuming me. The hot water stung my skin. I leaned against the cold tile wall. My kids heart's were broken and I wanted someone to take care of me. I did not want to be in control, I wanted to lay in bed and have someone hold me. Someone like a husband or a Mom or a Dad. Not my kid's! I was overcome with guilt. I looked down and watched my tears bouncing into the water swirling around and then going down the drain. At that very moment I 'felt' like a grown-up and I needed to act like one. I realized I had been a grown-up my entire life. I was never a child. The oldest of 5 and a mother at 17. I just never thought about it. I needed to pull myself together. I needed to be a real grown-up and set an example for these kids. I was 41 and having trouble dealing with this tragedy. They were only 17, 19 and 23. I still had my parents and grandparents. I needed to show them that yes, bad things happen to good people but we have to live. I went back to work and back to school. I volunteered for a victim's service agency. Whenever I was around my kids I smiled. I did not want to I had too. I needed them to know it was okay to feel happy again. I saved all my crying for the shower.
11 years later times are different. I 'feel' like a grown-up when I'm holding on tight to my husband as we cruise down country roads on his motorcycle. It reminds me of a time when I was about 8 years old and road my bike down a hill with no hands. Yes, at one time I must have been a kid. I 'feel' like such a grown-up when I'm holding a little hand and jumping waves. When we are searching the beach for the best shells and staying on the beach when it rains. I 'feel' like a grown-up when I say yes to ice cream and cookies for dinner and M&M's in our cheerio's for breakfast. It's about watching cartoons until 2 am and cuddling on sofa cushions on the floor until we fall asleep.
Don't get me wrong I want my grand children to grow up happy, healthy and well adjusted but I 'feel' grown-up enough to pass that torch onto their parents. It is a torch they are quite capable of carrying.
I can honestly say I 'feel' so grown-up when I am spending well wasted time with the people I love and smiling because I want to not because I have too.